Mommy

By Maggie Finson

October 31, 1997, is a date that I'll never forget.  My life
changed drastically that day, though at the time, I really had no idea  
of just how drastically.  But then, it didn't even start out like a  
normal day as they ran back then, so I suppose the rest of that day's  
events shouldn't have surprised me all that much.

"Hold still and quit squirming so much," Lisa, my wife, five  feet 
six inches of lovely brunette with a temper and mouth more  appropriate 
for a redhead, ordered me.  "Or I'll mess up your eyes and  have to 
start all over again, honey."

I did as she told me, wondering for about the hundredth time since 
the previous evening, why I'd ever agreed to the costume Lisa, and her 
friend Nadine, who worked at the same small restaurant where I was a 
bookkeeper and she was a waitress, had been urging me to wear for 
 weeks.  Ever since the owner and working boss, Eileen Bradley had 
come  up with the idea that on Halloween, all the staff should show up 
for  work in some kind of costume.

"I'll bet you're the cutest waitress there today," Lisa grinned 
 as she finished coating my eyelids with plum colored eye shadow.  
"And  your hair is going to look terrific, Jackie."

"I'll just be happy to get the curlers out of it," was my  
somewhat terse response to Lisa's feminization of my name from Jack to  
Jaqueline, or Jackie for short.  At least we weren't fighting, which 
had been a pretty common thing since I'd lost the high paying job we'd 
moved across three states for me to take, and had to take the first 
thing that came up.  Which was being a  book keeper, and glorified 
gofer at Eileen's Place, the restaurant I  currently worked at.

The pay was lousy, the hours long, but I needed the job.  worse, Lisa 
had been job hunting as well.  I asked her about one in particular that 
she seemed excited about "How is  that prospect you mentioned for a job 
going?"

"Oh, I should know something about that by today sometime," Lisa 
frowned.  Her own inability to hold a job thanks to her temper and 
intemperate  mouth was one sore point among many that I seldom brought 
up any longer.  "I'll be leaving Caroline and Katherine with Jenny next 
door today, so  if you get home before I do, that's where the brats 
will be."

"All right," I responded without dinging her for calling the 
children brats and sighing, as much in relief as frustration as she 
began removing the tiny curlers I'd worn since early last night.

Caroline, two years old, and Katherine, aged one, were sore points 
two  and three with my wife.  She didn't care for being a mother at all 
and  blamed me for the pregnancies, which had resulted in our 
daughters.    I decided to slide out from under that argument, instead 
questioning her over the time the interview would take.  "Do you really 
think you'll be that late?"

"The interview is clear across town," she pointed out, beginning 
 to brush out my hair with  a little more force than I thought was 
absolutely necessary.  As I  winced, she chuckled.  "Now you're getting 
an idea of what I go  through when you want me to look nice, dearie."

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled, closing my eyes as she used some of  
her hair spray more liberally on me than I thought she did with her 
own  hair.  After some more fluffing and teasing, with several pauses 
for critical looks and readjustments that only seemed to move small 
parts  of my new hairstyle, I told her again.  "I still think we could 
afford  for you to drive me to work this morning instead of my taking 
the bus  in this getup."

"You're the one who's always harping about economizing," Lisa 
reminded me with a smug grin.  "It's my day for the shopping, and I'll 
need the car to get to the interview this afternoon, anyway.  You  
always take the bus on Wednesdays.  What's the big deal?"

"I don't normally go stand at the bus stop wearing a waitress' 
uniform, or with curled hair and wearing makeup," I pointed out, not 
mentioning the  jewelry I had on. I gave the perfume I just about 
reeked of already another cautious sniff before deciding that must 
maybe it wasn't quite as strong smelling as I had originally thought.  
"It's going to be a real long bus ride this morning."

"Oh, don't be such a baby," she chided, gesturing for me to stand  
up.  "Girls ride the bus every day and nothing happens to them."
"That's the operative word here," I countered.  "Girl.  something 
I'm not, but will be wearing female clothing anyway.  I'm liable to get 
myself beat up  if I'm not careful."

"So I guess you'd better be really careful, hadn't you?"  She 
answered with a giggle.  I knew she was having her petty revenge for  
us having to sell the second car she had used before I lost my job as 
shipping comptroller for the manufacturing plant I'd worked at.  "Just 
use that sweet girl voice you've been practicing all week and no one  
will even notice.  You look so presentable that I'd have trouble  
telling that you aren't the real thing if I hadn't helped get you  
ready.  Now let's get you into your uniform, Jackie dear."

"I can hardly wait," My response wasn't all that enthused, as I 
recalled the padded girdle,  panties, sheer panty hose over my smooth 
shaven legs, and most  embarrassing of all, the startlingly realistic 
falsies Lisa had devised by  filling some clear, heavy balloons with 
water, clear gelatin, and some  of her makeup to give them an 
appropriately fleshy color.  Inside the  lacy white bra, they bobbed, 
jiggled, and swayed every time I so much  as twitched.  The white, knee 
length slip I'd pulled on over all that  before Lisa had started 
working on my makeup and hair had almost seemed like a relief as it 
hugged my suddenly shapely form and helped hold  those heavily bouncy 
globes nestled in the C sized cups of the bra  tighter to my body.

The dress itself was yellow nylon with a white Peter Pan collar,  
elbow length sleeves with turned back white cuffs, and a prettily  
flowing knee length skirt.  At least I'd always thought it was pretty 
until I had to wear the one of the things.  It was Nadine's, who I'd 
always thought had a great figure.  The way I filled the dress out  
with the padding and all, I had a pretty fair idea that I'd come  
across just as nicely shaped as my coworker was.  Which didn't make me  
feel much better about anything.  Nadine was always getting hit on at  
work.  Oh, well, at least she hadn't given me the pink one.

Then there was the snowy white, ruffled, bib apron.  Its straps went 
over my shoulders, then crossed just below the shoulder blades  before 
joining with the back, which tied in a large bow at the small  of my 
back.  The thing covered almost all the dress in front except  for 
about two inches of skirt, and went around to let just a sliver of 
 yellow peek through from behind.  Enough that the bow its strings 
were  tied into contrasted nicely.  I noted that one of the two large  
pockets at just below hip level and set slightly to the front of my  
hips held an order pad and pen.  

After that, the stiffly standing little cap, more a strip of 
 yellow fabric edged with white lace, was pinned snugly to my honey  
blonde hair, courtesy of a bottle of hair dye that had been applied to  
my usual sandy blonde shoulder length mane, and that was about it.

"Here's your name tag, Jackie," Lisa was actually smirking as she 
pinned the heart shaped, lace edged black badge to the apron just  
above my left "breast" It announced cheerfully in bright gold cursive  
letters that my name was Jackie. And that I was very happy to serve 
 you.  It had belonged to another girl who had worked at Eileen's  
before I'd started, but she had left it behind when she quit.  So of  
course, Nadine had seized upon the similarities of name and included  
the badge with the rest of my costume she had put together.

With a faux pearl choker, a pair of matching clip on, white  
earrings that actually looked pierced, a matching bead bracelet on my 
right wrist and a pink faced ladies watch on a narrow white leather  
band, I was pretty well done up.  Especially with the long, bright red 
fingernails Lisa had glued over my own after doing my hair the  
previous evening.

A pair of white, soft soled, women's loafers finished my outfit, 
and the glimpse I got of my legs as I slipped those shoes on made me 
shudder.  In the nylons, my calves and ankles appeared as sleekly, 
smoothly feminine as any real girl's could.

"I always thought you had great legs," Lisa admired the finished 
product of her work and Nadine's closet with a broad grin on her fine 
featured face.  "The rest of you turned out just as good, too.  Why 
don't you have a  look, Jackie."

"Oh, no," I shook my head in denial once I'd turned to face the  
full length mirror mounted on the bedroom wall.  "No way am I going 
anywhere looking like this."

I was looking at some complete stranger, a female stranger, and  
one that looked damned good too.  With her honey blonde hair in tight, 
bouncy little curls parted at the left with side swept, curly bangs 
teasing her right eye.  Which was large, soft, slightly almond shaped, 
rimmed with thickly curling lashes, and a glorious blue, just the other 
one.  

Lisa had taken my fine-featured oval face and transformed it into 
something like what you would see smiling from the cover of  a women's 
fashion magazine.  Large eyed, with a small delicately sculpted nose,  
soft rounded cheeks glowing with blush, a full red mouth, rounded jaw 
line and chin, she was beautiful.  Only she was me, who was a guy,  and 
father of two children.

A father of two with boldly firm 34C breasts, high narrow waist, 
and softly  curving, inviting 36 inch hips and bottom, standing at five 
feet four  inches tall -- my height and slight build had been something 
I had  fought misconceptions over for years -- and so sexy even in her 
waitress uniform that I nearly fell in love with her on sight.

Only like I said, it was me.

"Don't be silly, Jackie," Lisa purred from behind me, 
reaching forward to fluff the curly mass of hair around my ears with a 
wide  grin on her face.  "You're absolutely scrumptious, darling.  
You'll be a big  hit  today at the restaurant."

"That's what I'm worried about," I muttered, staring at the girl 
in the mirror in reluctant awe.  Wearing a pearl  choker that graced 
her slender neck and smooth throat, the white globes of  pearls at her 
ear lobes, and dress/apron combination my padded out female shape 
appeared even more feminine.  I had no doubts about her claim at all.  
"Which is why I don't even want to  leave the house in this getup.  I'd 
get mauled at the bus stop."

"Now you're being silly and stubborn," Lisa pouted.  "After all  
the work I went to so you'd look great today, you want to take  
everything off and ruin the whole thing."

Sensing another fight in the making, I drew in a breath and gave  
her a smile.  "Okay hon, you win.  I'll go as is, and thank you for 
 all the help."

"Since you're so worried about the guys hitting on you," Lisa 
Gave me a look that plainly told me she thought it was more than a  
remote possibility, she removed her own wedding and engagement bands, 
then worked them onto the third finger of my left hand with a smirk, 
"You  can wear these to put them off.  Show that you're already taken.      

"You'll be wonderful," she assured me, then glanced at the clock.   
"But if you don't hurry, you won't have to wait on the bus because  
you're going to miss it."

"Oh, oh," I nodded, you're right on that one."  With a knee  length 
women's coat, of bright blue cloth, and light brown shoulder  bag 
filled with "necessities" Lisa had loaded it with, and my own ID  and 
money in a long ladies wallet, I hesitantly left the small house  we 
rented and made my nervous way to the bus stop in little fits and  
starts.

I was overly conscious of the skirt swirling around my mostly 
bare  legs, which were cold in the late October morning air, and the 
swaying  of the "breasts" that even went so far as to jiggle quite 
fetchingly  as I had to run the last ten yards or so to catch the bus 
before it  pulled away from the corner.  I knew my presentation, bright 
cheeked  with embarrassment as well as cold and sudden exertion, along 
with the  already mentioned jiggles, had been considered very 
interesting by  more than several young, and not so young men already 
seated on the  bus.

Fumbling with the unfamiliar impediment of a purse instead of  
easily reachable pockets, I had to pull a plastic wrapped item  
completely out to get at the wallet and my change.  Once I'd dropped 
 the fare into the collection box, what I held in the hand that hadn't  
been handling change caused me to blush furiously.  It was brightly  
wrapped, and very obvious maxi pad.

The bus driver, an attractive woman in her early thirties,  offered me 
a commiserating smile but said nothing.  The shared "woman  to woman 
intimacy seemed to say it all anyway.  Still blushing, which  made me 
even prettier, I could see in the windows I passed, I made my  way back 
to find a seat.  To discover all of them were filled.

"Here, honey," a middle-aged man gallantly stood to offer his 
 seat to me.  "You can have this one, I"m getting off after a few  
stops, anyway."

My smile was interrupted my a tiny gasp as one of his hands quite 
deliberately brushed against my chest and the other managed to collide 
with my fanny as the bus began moving.  He'd copped a feel, and patted  
my bottom all in one smoothly executed maneuver, and gave me an  
innocent smile after he had!

Far too mortified, and stunned for even a mild protest, I lowered  
my eyes to my lap, where my purse was resting, and blushed again.  By  
the time I gathered enough nerve to look back up so I could give the 
guy a  piece of my mind, he was gone.

Feeling as if every eye, male at least, was on my backside as I  
got off and began walking the half block from the bus stop to  
Eileen's, I startled myself with the feminine gait and posture I 
 caught sight of me using in a reflection in a store's plate glass 
window.  Not only was  the young woman I was pretending to be lovely, 
she had unconscious  moves absolutely guaranteed to draw a man's eye.  
I know they were  unconscious, because even dressed that way, I'd have 
never walked with that sway of hips and bottom, or erect carriage, with 
chin up and  hands clutching the shoulder bag purposefully.

"Jackie!"  Nadine, wearing an ankle length costume meant to be 
Cleopatra, met me in front of the door, having been approaching from  
the other direction where her car was parked, exclaimed as she  
recognized who I was.  "Oh, my god, you're gorgeous!  

"And move as if you'd been that way all your life," she finished 
with a grin.  "Bet you had an interesting ride to work on the bus."

"Oh, yes," I nodded, blushing all over again at the memory of  
being groped as I sat down.  "I'd suppose some people might call it  
that."

Eileen was behind the counter as we walked in and glanced up 
 briefly before doing a double take that would have done justice to an  
old time slapstick comedy.  "Jack? Is that you?"

"Much as I hate to admit the fact," I answered with a lopsided 
grimace.  "It is."

"You look great!"  My boss enthusiastically walked around me, 
 checking everything out from several angles, grinned as she saw my  
name badge, then waved in the direction of the back room where the  
time clock was.  "Go clock in girls, then come on back out and get set 
 up for your shift."

Nadine and I walked past her, and I felt her eyes on my back, or  
backside, as we both entered the hallway leading back towards the  
employee lounge area and time clock.  Since business was generally  
very light early in the morning, Eileen had been running the counter, 
 as usual, and the only other people in the place were Christine the  
cook, and her daughter Melanie, who washed dishes and did odds and  
ends around the restaurant.

"Who's the new girl, Nadine?"  Christine called as we passed the  
kitchen, and Melanie looked up from the counter she was cleaning when  
her mother asked.

"This is Jackie," Nadine leered at me, then chuckled.  "It's  Jack, 
all done up for our Halloween celebration."

"No kidding?"  Christine, exempt from the costume 
requirement because of her job, gave me a long, very interested looking 
over  before pursing her lips and letting out a low whistle.  "Jackie 
 honey, you're going to make a lot in tips if you keep wagging your  
tail like that."

"Very funny," I answered the middle-aged woman, then shrugged,  
which set up vibrations I'd rather not have through my falsified  
bosom.  Which set Christine into gales of laughter as she waved me on.

"Hey, you're really cute, Jackie!"  Melanie, a thinner, younger  
version of her still pretty mother called after me.  "Got a great ass 
 there, honey!"

"God," I muttered with another blush.  "Am I going to be going  
through this all day?"

"Probably so, Jackie," Nadine giggled as she clocked in.  "Lisa  
really did a job on you for this, didn't she?  You look like a real 
 live girl, here.  Is that your own hair?"

"Yeah," Clocking in myself, I nodded then gave the mass of  tight, 
bouncy curls a rueful pat.  

"Reminds me of that old cartoon character you see off and on 
 these days," still grinning, Nadine tilted her head to give me  
another long looking over.  "You know, Betty Boop?"

"Great," sighing as I headed for the office area where I  expected 
to spend at least half the day, I grimaced at her laughter.  "Now I 
look like some black and white cartoon character.  On top of  being 
prime pick up material."

"You sure are that last one," Nadine chuckled, giving my bottom a  
light pat before stopping to listen to something Eileen was calling 
 from the front.  "Come on, honey, Eilleen wants you up front for  
something."

"Take the counter, Jackie," my boss grinned at me and waved to 
 the area she usually took care of, though I had done it off and on  
when things were really busy or I was caught up with the bookkeeping.
"You just look way too good to be hiding in back today, honey."

"Okay," doubtfully eyeing the long, polished tile of the 
counter top, I moved to a spot behind it with a drawn out sigh.  "I 
should  have known this would happen."

"You look the part, honey," Eileen chuckled, giving my shoulder  a 
pat.  "Just remember to smile at the customers, and I'll bet you  make 
a killing on tips today."

"You're the second person to tell me that already," shaking my  
head, I moved to get menus for a couple of businessmen who'd come in  
for breakfast before their offices opened up.  "Coffee, guys?"

Both nodded with wide grins, not because they knew I was a guy 
dressed as a waitress, but for the very pretty young thing waiting on  
them.  I'd seen a lot of our customers give Nadine that same kind of  
smile, and felt my skin begin itching as they continued ogling me 
 while I poured their coffee and handed them menus."

"What?"  One of them asked with a raised eyebrow.  "Eileen let  you 
get  away without wearing a costume today?"

"Give her a break," Eileen interrupted before I could tell the  
guys I was in costume.  "Jackie just started this morning.  She didn't 
 really know about the costume thing, and it wouldn't have been fair  
expecting her to come up with something on such short notice."

All I could do over that, and her use of the feminine gender to  
describe me, was close my eyes, and hope the day went by very quickly.  
It was fairly clear that until someone penetrated my disguise, I was  
going to be a she, and the new girl in the place.

The guys chose to interpret my embarrassment as being because I  
wasn't in costume when everyone else was.  Eileen herself was dressed  
as a male chef, so without anyone knowing that I really was a guy  
myself, I did look a little out of synch.  But that didn't stop the  
way their eyes appreciatively ran up and down my tricked out figure 
 for the entire time they were there.  I got a five-dollar tip out of  
each one, too.

"We want you to come back, Jackie," one of them winked at me as 
 he paid his bill after I'd found their gratuities and showed my  
surprise.   "It's about time Nadine had some competition around  here."

I got through the first part of the morning without once being  
tagged as a guy in a dress, which was really kind of demoralizing, but  
also a little thrilling.  After all, I was pulling off a really great  
costume, and no one who didn't work there could even tell.  Also, the  
tips were better than pretty good.  I'd made over fifty dollars by the  
time I got a break for a quick bite of lunch before the lunch rush got  
into full swing.

*   *   *

"Jackie."   Behind the counter again, Eileen waved out at the 
 crowd of lunch goers, Halloween was a pretty well known tradition at  
her place and people would come in just to see her staff's costumes as  
much as to eat on that day.  "Take tables five through twelve."

"But I've never waited tables before in my life, Eileen," I  
protested.

"So get started," my boss waved at the floor.  "Then you can say  you 
have.  We're really busy today, so get cracking, girl."

"Whatever you say," I began moving out from behind the counter, 
 but added.  "I'm a bookkeeper, not a waitress."

"Today you're a waitress, Jackie."  Eileen chuckled as she looked  me 
over for about the thousandth time that day.  "You sure are dressed 
for  the part.  Now get moving, honey.  You'll do fine."

Funny thing, except for the fast pace, the job didn't seem  to be 
all that hard to me.  I remembered who ordered what, which  table got 
which batch of orders without even looking at the tickets,  kept my 
customers reasonably happy, especially the men, and found  myself 
actually enjoying the pace.

"You've got a real flair for this kind of work, Jackie," Nadine 
complimented me during a short lull as we both took advantage of the 
quiet to set up silverware while having a badly needed cool drink. 
 "And it looks like you're enjoying yourself, too."

"Guess I am," shrugging, I gave my skirt a little flip with one   
hand while taking a sip of my coke.  "Sitting in that back office all  
day staring at figures gets kind of boring off and on.  This is a real  
change for me.

"And not just because of the clothes," I hastily added at her   
smirk.  "I never really got much of a chance to even see the customers  
before except for the odd time when I ran the counter for Eileen.  It's 
been educational."

"Not to mention lucrative," Nadine chuckled while casting an  
almost envious glance at my tip jar.  "You've been doing really well  
with your tips today.  Maybe you ought to consider a change of career. 
 You're better at this work than a lot of girls who have been at it for 
years."

"Not with the change of lifestyles, and clothes it would  
involve," I laughed at the idea, then shook my head.  "I'm a guy, 
Nadine, even if I don't look much like one just now."

"Haven't noticed you going out of your way to tell any of the  
customers you've been waiting on today," she grinned half nastily.   
"Though that would severely disappoint a lot of hopeful fellas who've  
been going gaga over our new girl, wouldn't it?"
"I just kind of went into autopilot after the first pair of 
customers, and having Eileen call me a her," I grimaced.  "Telling 
anyone  the truth just hasn't come up, and every time I do start either 
you,  Eileen, or one of the other girls tells the questioning party 
that  she's on her first day, so don't tease the poor girl.  What am 
I supposed to do?"

"Go on being a good sport, I guess," Nadine laughed at my pained  
expression.  "Leta and Carrie are having as much fun watching you as  
the customers are watching the rest of us.  You've been really great  
about it so far, honey."

"How many offers for dates you got by now, Jackie?"  As if 
 conjured by her name, Leta Prescott, a bouncy blonde a bit on the far  
side of plump questioned me with an almost lewd wink.

"Not counting outright propositions?"  Nadine added to my growing  
embarrassment by putting in innocently.  "I would have slapped a  
couple of those guys silly for suggesting to me what they did to  
Jackie here."

"So how many?"  Leta repeated with an insistent grin.

"I haven't been keeping track," was my quietly mumbled answer,  which 
was pretty truthful.  After about ten, I'd given up counting,  and as 
for some of the ruder suggestions, only my lengthened  fingernails and 
the way I was dressed had kept me from belting several  people that 
day.

"That many?"  Leta giggled.  "Did you take any of them up on  their 
offers?"

"Huh, uhh!"  I shook my head vehemently, much to the pair's great  
amusement.

"You're doing swell, honey," Leta gave my arm a light,  encouraging 
pat.  "Hang in there, and I promise that we'll only be  teasing you 
until next Halloween."

"You have no idea," I grumbled good-naturedly.  "of how much 
 better that makes me feel, Leta."

"Oh, oh, another rush coming," Leta adjusted her witch's hat and  
hefted her broom, readying to go cackle at some more customers.  "We'd  
better get ourselves out there to handle 'em."

When closing time finally arrived, around six P.M., I was really  
feeling as if I'd run about a hundred miles, we'd been so busy.  As I  
was clocking out, and gathering up my coat and bag, Nadine waltzed up 
 to the time clock wearing a broad grin.  "Need a ride home, or do you 
 want to vamp somebody on the bus tonight?"

"I'll take the ride," I responded with a tired grin.  "Quite happily, 
and even put some gas in your car for the trouble."

"Guess you can afford it after today, huh?"  She chuckled, then   
gave the wad of bills I stuffed into my purse a disbelieving look.  "If 
I could pull in tips like that, guy or not, I'd lobby with Eileen  to 
keep me on as one of her permanent waitresses."

"God," I moaned with a put-on horrified expression, "Don't say 
 that too loud.  You might give the boss ideas that I wouldn't be able  
to deliver on."

"You did just fine today," Nadine grinned back, then put on her 
own coat.  "How about stopping off somewhere for quick, after work  
drink?  Kind of a farewell to Jackie thing?"

Maybe one," I answered, looking at the clock.  I was getting off  
several hours earlier than usual since Eileen was handling the 
 receipts for the day and had told me I'd worked hard enough for one  
person in ten hours.  "Then I really should get home so I can get out  
of these things and back to normal."

"Okay, Great!"  Nadine enthusiastically called out to Leta  and 
Carrie, who had come as a very sexy female vampire.  "Jackie's  going 
to come along too!  Let's go party for a while!"

Eileen waved cheerfully as we left in a group, but I could see 
 her watching me with an odd, speculative look on her face as we went 
out the door she locked behind us.

*   *   *

Two hours later, the light alcoholic euphoria I'd been under  
evaporated as I stared in shock at the inside of our house.  Then  re-
read the note that had been under the telephone.  Which was sitting on 
the  floor because the stand it had been on was gone.  Along with the 
rest  of our living room furniture.

'Dear Jackie,'

I've had enough.  There wasn't really a job interview today, I was  
moving.  Don't try to find me, I don't want anything else from you. 
 I've left the kid's things, and a few clothes for you to use.  Also 
the vacuum cleaner and kitchen stuff.  Since you used it all more  than 
I ever did, I thought it was a fair split. You can keep the stuff we 
had in the spare bedroom, too.  I don't  really need it.  Good luck 
with the girls, but you always were more of  a mother to them than I 
ever wanted to be.  I'll be in touch sometime.  Goodbye.

The kitchen table and chairs, along with all our pots, pans, 
 utensils, dishes, and tableware were still there.  And true to her 
 word, Lisa had left the furniture she had owned when we got married. A 
feminine four poster bed with canopy, vanity and bench, with several 
 chests of drawers.  All enameled in a shiny cream toned finish  
bordered with a floral applique.

All our other stuff, furniture wise, was gone, along with the  
television, VCR, stereo, and dining room set.  In our emptied out   
bedroom I found myself almost sick at what I found.  The vindictive  
bitch had even taken all my clothes, up to and including my underwear.

There was a stack of panties, bras, and other lingerie, along  
with several nightgowns and robes on the bed, with another note  
attached to the top of one pile of panties with a straight pin.  

I was going to leave you with nothing at all, but then got  to  
thinking about how cute you were this morning all done up like a 
working  waitress.  Anyway, since you're such a great substitute Mommy 
for the  girls, I thought you could wear these things.  There's a few 
little  outfits in the closet that you can have, too.

She had left pants, but only the ones with a back or side  
fastening, and the tops were all very feminine in cut and color.  Then, 
adding insult to injury, all of her maternity clothes were  carefully 
arranged on hangers, along with a few of her other skirts,  and several 
dresses.  She had left me about half of her shoes, too.

Numbly, I returned to the kitchen to sit down and try to think of  
what I was going to do.  Our savings account book and check book were  
also gone, so I was pretty sure she'd emptied those out.  I had  
nothing left that had been mine.  Caroline and Kathy's things were all  
there, though, which reminded me belatedly that the girls were still  
at our neighbor Jennifer Collins' place.

Dazed, and still in my waitress uniform and woman's coat, I made 
 my way over to at least retrieve my children.  The children my wife  
didn't care enough about to stay with.

"Yes?"  Jennifer, abut Lisa's age, and pretty in a dark haired, 
 slender fashion answered the door as if I was some stranger, then  
widened her blue eyes once she finally recognized me.  "Jack?  What  
are you doing dressed that way?

"Oh, it's Halloween," she chuckled, waving me inside.  "You  didn't 
wear that getup to work today did you?"

"Yes," my reply was more than a little dispirited, and I  accepted 
the help she offered with my coat then seated myself on one  of her 
living room chairs.  "I've been wearing them all day long."

"Well, I'm surprised you didn't just have Lisa come over for the  
kids.  I thought she was home earlier, but when she didn't come for  
the little ones, I figured she was just stopping in for something she'd  
forgotten."

"Oh, she grabbed a few things, all right," I answered with a  
rising note of anger, and hurt in my voice, then launched into what I  
had found at the house.

"You poor thing," Jennifer commiserated, then widened her eyes  as 
all of what I'd told her sunk in.  "She didn't even leave you any  of 
your own clothes?"

"Not a stitch," I nodded miserably, then almost moaned.  "Now  what am 
I going to do?  Nothing's open that I could get to by bus, and  I'm 
afraid I'll need what money I've got for the rent and kid's things 
 over the next week or so."

"I don't know," Jennifer gave me a worried look, then sighed  
herself.  "I guess you could go to welfare or something.  There's  
missions in town that have clothes and stuff you could probably get."

"Yeah, but I have to work tomorrow," I answered.  "Now there's  no way 
I can afford not to, but all I've got to wear are the things  that 
bitch left behind as some kind of nasty joke."

"I guess you'll have to go with that until after work tomorrow," 
 my neighbor shrugged.  "Surely there's something in all that you could 
 wear without looking too feminine."

"I don't think so," was my answer, then I swallowed and began to  
stand up.  "But I'd better get the girls and have another look once I   
get them settled for the night.  You've had them long enough today as  
it is."

"That's okay," she told me with a little smile.  "They're sweet   
kids and you have enough to worry about just now.  Why don't you let me  
 make some coffee, and then I'll come over with you to see if we can't 
find something you can get by with tomorrow, at least."

*   *   *

"Wow," Jennifer shook her head as she went through the clothing  
Lisa had left behind.  "She really did leave you kind of stuck here,  
didn't she?"

"That's what I told you," She must be having a real good laugh  
over this wherever she's hiding right now, I thought to myself then  
spat out.  "The bitch!"

"Well, I suppose you could always wear what you've got on," she  
suggested, then held up her hands as I gave her an outraged look.   
"Sorry, I was joking, Jack.  But you do look really fantastic in that  
getup."

"I've been hearing that all day long," was my weary response as I  
twitched at the apron of the uniform I was still wearing what with all  
that had happened since my return home.  

Just trying to lighten things up a little," Jennifer replied  
quietly, and a little contritely.  "I'm sorry, really."

"That's okay," I sighed, then offered her a tired little smile 
 that must have come across as much more feminine that I'd planned 
from  the way she reacted.  "You've been great this evening, Jen, I 
mean it.  I'm just a little distracted right now, and stunned."

"I'll bet," she returned, setting out a meager selection of  
things I might have been able to get away with wearing. "These pants, 
these tops, with one of the jackets, might get  you by for a day or so 
without having everyone who sees you laughing  at the guy in women's 
clothes.  Sorry, these are about the best of a  bad lot, far as you're 
concerned."

"Yeah, thanks," I looked the things over and began trying to see  
how any combination of the feminine garments might manage to come 
 across as at least halfway masculine.  "I'll figure out which before 
I  get to bed tonight, I suppose. 

"Now, how about me making some coffee?"  There's nothing else to  
be done here for the time being, and I'd really appreciate the company  
if you don't mind sticking around for a while.  Lisa did leave all the  
kitchen stuff."

"Okay," she nodded, then gave my still femininely attired form a  
halfway amused look.  If you'd like to change, I'll make the coffee."

"Why bother?"  I asked with a bitter little chuckle while taking  the 
apron off, at least.  "All I'd have to put on is more stuff an  awful 
lot like what I'm wearing now.  I'll get out of these later,  when I 
get ready for my shower, and all that."

"Suit yourself," she answered with an oddly different note to  her 
voice, then became her usual brisk self.  "So let's go see what's  left 
in the kitchen.  I know a light snack always helps me think when 
 things aren't going so well.  Couldn't hurt to try it now."

We talked quietly over coffee and a frozen coffee cake I'd put 
 into the oven, and by the time we noticed what time it was, another 
 hour had passed.  Jennifer volunteered to watch the girls the next  
day, which was another one off for her, and left with an encouraging  
little smile.  "It'll be okay, Jack.  You'll see.  Things are going to 
 work out just fine."

"I hope so," was all I could come up with in reply, then turned  
away to once again survey the emptied out expanse of the living room.
No way I could afford to replace all of it on the salary I was  
currently earning.  It was just about all I could do to pay the rent, 
 utilities, buy food, and things for the girls.  

Back in the kitchen, cleaning up after her visit, it suddenly  
occurred to me that Jennifer had been talking to me, with me, as if I  
were a wife who had been left by her husband instead of the other way  
around.  Then again, the way I was still dressed, and had been fussing  
over the little girls, that was a mistake that could have been quite  
easy to make without even considering that it was being made.

Just to cap off a perfect day, the curl did not come out of my  
hair when I washed it.  Neither did the color, and I couldn't find  
anything to get the false fingernails off either.  Plus, all the soaps  
and cleaning things left were femininely scented and left my smooth 
 shaven skin silky soft and shining like satin. 

Adding a haircut to the list of things I"d need to have done, 
 while clipping the nails at least short enough to be a man's, though  
they were still bright red since Hadn't found any polish remover  
either, I turned off the lights, passed through the empty bedroom I'd  
shared with my wife up until that night, and made my way to the spare  
room after checking on the girls.  Overtly femme or not, at least  
there was a bed, with clean sheets and a comforter in there.  I did 
 draw the line at wearing one of the nighties though.  The pair of 
panties I  had pulled on after my shower was bad enough.

*   *   *

Next morning, wearing a pair of tan cotton pants, brown loafers  
that didn't appear too feminine, a white long sleeved blouse, tan  
double breasted jacket that could be fastened either man or woman  
style, and with a thick black silk scarf I'd managed to work into some  
semblance of a man's tie;  I found another dilemma to face.

Overly conscious of the panties, and thin nylon socks I was  
wearing, along with the cotton camisole top standing in for an  
undershirt, I realized that it was cold outside, and I needed to wear  
a coat.  Which meant either the obviously feminine blue one I'd worn  
the previous day, or a lined, trench style raincoat.  I opted for the 
raincoat, but the overall picture, especially with me carrying the  
previous day's uniform on a hanger and covered with a plastic garment  
bag was one of a skinny young woman. One who had pretty curled hair but
was trying  to get by without makeup and wearing mannish clothing.

"Aw nuts," I grimaced at the reflection I caught in the mirror  
and shook my head.  "If I didn't need the job so badly, especially 
 now, I'd call in for the day.  Well, I'll just have to hope for the  
best and take what comes."

"She permed your hair?"  Jennifer questioned incredulously when I  
dropped the girls next door, and glimpsed my still painted nails when I 
took off the pair of ladies gloves that had been inside the coat. 
 "Would you like to borrow some polish remover?"

"If you have any," I nodded with an unhappy grin.  "But I'll  have 
to take it to work with me, the bus is coming along pretty soon  and I 
won't have time for anything but getting to the stop before it  gets 
here."

"Here you go," she gave me another wide-eyed look, then shook  her 
head.  "I hate to tell you, but you still look more like a Jill  than a 
Jack."

"It was Jackie, yesterday," I groused, accepting the small bottle  
of polish remover gratefully.  "And I know, but there isn't much I can  
do about it right now.  I need this job, and will be in a lot of  
trouble if I don't show up today because the boss heard me accept an  
invitation to go out for some drinks last night after work with the  
girls."

"Well, good luck," she offered.  "One look and just about anyone  
might decide you'd really tied one on, anyway.  I hope things go okay   
for you today."

*   *   *

Carrying the uniform in the clear plastic bag, which was all I'd  
had to cover it, I was still treated pretty much as a girl on the bus, 
though without the obvious interest I'd gotten on the day before.

The same bus driver gave me a raised eyebrow, then gave me a  
quick grin.  "Hey honey, Halloween was yesterday.

"You're a little butch today, aren't you?"  She went on before I  
could come up with an excuse for my still feminine hair and clothing.  
Obviously, she still thought I was a young woman.  "But that's okay,  
you're still a cute one, even in those mannish looking things."

With my plucked eyebrows and almost beardless face, combined with  
the slightly too large clothes I was wearing because Lisa had actually 
been several  inches taller than me, I couldn't bring myself to 
disabuse her of the  idea.  So I gave her a quiet smile in return and 
worked my way back to  find a place to sit.

That time, I politely declined an offer of a seat, worrying about  
how Eileen, Nadine, Leta, and all the others would take my appearance 
when they saw me.

*   *   *

"Well, well, Jackie," Nadine met me at the door again as we  waited 
for Eileen to unlock the doors for us, and gave my still  bouncy, 
permed hair and clothing a slow perusal with a slight curl of  her lip.  
"You forgot to wear your bra, today."

"It isn't what you think," I told her with a vague wave at 
 myself.  "My wife left me yesterday..."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Nadine really seemed to be, though she  
had been more Lisa's friend than mine, as she interrupted with a  
slightly contemptuous smile.  "But is that any reason for you to go  
out in public playing your little games?"

"Huh?"  I just stared at her about as intelligently as the answer  to 
her last comment had come out.

"Lisa has told me all about how you like to dress up and play  
"mommy" at home, Jackie dear," the woman chuckled, then shook her  
head.  "We planned yesterday to see how you liked doing it in public 
 for a change.  Seemed to bring out the real you, didn't it?"

"That isn't true, Nadine," I argued as Eileen opened the door 
 after pausing to give me a halfway weary once over.  "I can explain  
all this, really."

"I for one," Eileen stood with hands on hips while looking me 
 over from head to toe, as she locked the door behind us.  "Am just 
dying to  hear your story, Jaqueline, honey.  It had better be good, 
too."

"Why would I make up such a stupid story?"  I questioned from my  seat 
in Eileen's office after telling her the whole thing.  "I swear that no 
matter what my wife told Nadine, I had never, never dressed like a 
woman until yesterday."
"Huh!"  Eileen leaned back in her chair and stared across the  
desk at me, then to the still packaged uniform draped across the chair  
over my lap.  "You don't mind if I check this story out, then?"

"Go ahead," was my quiet, but nearly desperate reply.  I just  
couldn't have her, and everyone else in the place thinking I was some  
limp wristed little pansy who's wife had left him because of his  
fondness for playing the girl.  "I'll get started on that stuff I  
didn't get to yesterday."

"Already done," Eileen distractedly answered, then waved towards 
the front.  "Go on and take over at the counter for a while.  I'll  get 
back to you pretty soon."

"Like this?  I spread my hands to indicate how I was dressed and  
currently looked.

"Unless you'd rather put your uniform back on for it," Eileen  
countered with a nasty little grin.  "Or lose your job entirely.  I'm  
still the boss around here, you know. And expect my employees to work  
where I tell them they're needed.  Now go on out front and relieve  
Nadine so she can watch the tables."

"All right," I arose, leaving the now hateful uniform behind,  but was 
stopped at the door by Eileen's terse order.

"Put that in your locker for now," with another speculative look 
at me, and shake of her head, she waved at the bright yellow  dress and 
white apron.  "I'll let you know what to do with it later  on."

After doing that, with the outfit right next to the tan raincoat   
I'd worn, I stopped briefly to look at myself in the full length  
mirror set into the wall of the lounge area for female employees to 
 check that everything was sitting properly before they went out front  
to wait on the customers.

And decided that I should have risked getting fired and called in  
sick after all.  There was absolutely nothing masculine about the  
outfit I was wearing, or the rest of my appearance.  I did lack the 
visible curves I'd sported the day before but their absence only served 
to make me look more like a tall, skinny, pre-teen girl.  The faked 
curves, I morosely thought, would have  done very little to change how 
I was being perceived as things were going  anyway.

"Hey sweetie!"  Christine called at me from the kitchen.  "You're  
out of uniform this morning, aren't you?"

"You're still way too cute for a guy!"  Melanie called derisively  
right after her mother had finished.  Both women were laughing as I  
made my shamefaced way to the front.

"I'm supposed to watch the counter," I informed a coolly distant  
Nadine.  "Until Eileen checks some things out, anyway."

"Surprised you still have a job," she sniffed, "The way you're 
still done up.  Or at least aren't wearing your pretty uniform to 
do this.

"Here, let me help you a little with your look, sweetie," she  
offered with a wicked grin, unfastening Lisa's jacket, and quickly 
undoing all my careful work with the scarf.  She then tied it in a 
large,  feminine bow and refastened the jacket woman style.  "There you 
go,  honey.  Would you like to borrow some makeup, since you seem to 
have  forgotten your purse this morning?"

My protests ignored, she very rapidly had bright red lipstick on  
my mouth, blush on my cheeks, and was applying eye shadow before I  
could voice a real objection.  Holding my chin in one hand, Nadine 
 turned my face first one direction, then the other with a short nod. 
 "There you go, honey.  Your eyeliner and lashes are still pretty good  
from yesterday.

I didn't do much to resist her spraying perfume behind my ears or 
dabbing it at my wrists.  I was far too humiliated by then to even find  
much in the way of a voice to protest.

"Did you bring your titties and hips along, dear?"  She  
questioned sweetly.

"No," I whispered.  "Those are still at home."

"Oh, well," she answered with a small grin.  "That outfit pretty  well 
hides your lacks for now, and you can wear your figure again  tomorrow, 
right?"

"I don't think so," I started shaking my head in the negative but 
was stopped by her grasp on  my chin tightening.

"Right?"  She repeated in an even toned voice I'd never heard her  
use before.  "You'll wear your nice figure, and pretty uniform 
 tomorrow, won't you, Jackie?  I'm sure Eileen would be happy to have 
 another waitress on the schedule, and you were so good at the job, 
 it's a shame to let that wonderful talent go to waste."

I didn't answer, only sighed, and pulled away to begin refilling  
the coffee dispenser.  I hardly noticed when she put on her coat, gave  
me a last quick look then left with a small laugh.

Two very miserable hours later, not one of the customers acted as  
if I were anything other than another one of the girls working there,   
Eileen called me back into her office.

"Well," raising her eyebrows at my made up face and the bow still 
 at my throat, along with the now quite visible feminine cut of both  
jacket and pants, she gestured for me to have a seat.  "I've talked to  
several people who know you outside of work, and your neighbor 
Ferguson.  She backs up your story, but says she tried  talking you out 
of coming in like that today."

"She did," I answered with a little relief that at least something 
was going right for a change.  "But I didn't want to miss  work, 
especially with the money situation I have now."

"Commendable," Eileen nodded, then drew in a breath.  "I can't 
 give you any more money, Jack.  And to be honest, there isn't anyone 
 in town that would loan you anything just now either.  So what are 
you  going to do about all this?"

"I don't have any other kind of clothes to wear," I frowned,  then 
shrugged.  "At least until I can get over to some mission or the  
Salvation Army and get something from them."

"All right, Jack," Eileen gave me a thin smile that plainly said   
she really didn't believe that I wanted to do that.  I didn't, but not  
for the reasons she and Nadine seemed to think I had.  Taking charity  
was just something that grated on my nerves, and went against  
everything I'd been brought up to do.

"Go back to work," with a sigh, she waved towards the front.  "I'm 
sorry, but I still need for you to work the counter today.  But  please 
do something about the way you look within the next few days,  will 
you?"

"If you need a day off," she offered, "I could spare you  
tomorrow."

"Thanks," I answered with a tired smile.  "There are lots of 
 things I should get done."

"Why don't you go ahead and take the rest of today off, too?"  She 
offered, then gave what I was wearing a frown as she changed her mind 
about my staying that day.  "I hope you're  able to get something done 
soon.  If there's anything else I can do to  help out just let me know 
and I'll see what I can do."

"Okay," getting up, I headed for the door.  "Thanks again, 
Eileen."

Back in the employee lounge, Nadine was having a cup of coffee  
and obviously waiting for me, since she looked up with a sheepish  
smile.  "Hey Jack, I'm sorry about earlier.  I guess seeing you waltz  
up to the front door like you did kind of set me off.  I always did  
have this little thing about guys getting dressed up as girls, and got 
 carried away."

"I'm not all that excited about it either," I accepted her  
apology, clocking out and gathering up my coat before dropping into a  
chair to pour myself a cup of coffee before leaving.  "So I'm taking 
the rest of today and  tomorrow off to get some things straightened 
out.  At least as much as  I can right away.  This mess is going to 
take longer than a couple of  days to fix."

"I'll bet," with a tentative grin, she noted that I hadn't  
changed either the bow or the way my hand me down jacket was buttoned.
"But you really do make a cute girl, even like you are now.  How come  
you haven't changed your tie, or jacket already?"

"To tell you the truth," reaching to flick the bow at my throat   
with a finger I gave a little embarrassed laugh.  "I hadn't thought   
about it."

"I'm off tomorrow, too," Nadine slowly reached the point of her  
waiting.  "I could come over and take you around to some places if you  
needed it."

"Thanks, Nadine," I answered, finishing my coffee and starting  to 
get up.  "If you can spare the time, that would be a lot of help."

"Okay," she smiled, getting up herself.  "See you around eight?"

"That'll be fine," smiling back, I put on the trench coat, 
 buttoned it up and belted it around my middle.  "See you in the  
morning."

I was already outside and headed for the bus stop before 
 realizing I'd fastened and belted the coat woman style, and still  
hadn't taken the bow out of the scarf around my neck.  For some reason  
not altogether clear to me, I didn't bother to do so then, either.

*   *   *

Things were worse than I'd first thought.  Lisa had taken off 
 right at the end of the month, and totally cleaned out our joint  
accounts when she did.  Which meant that all the bills paid by check  
on the first of the month weren't going to get paid, and my rent check  
had bounced already according to the bank.

The bank branch manager was sympathetic when hearing my story, or  
at least the part regarding my wife leaving, which I had told them 
 over the telephone earlier that morning.  She was very sorry, too, but  
couldn't do anything to help at all.  The woman had even seemed a 
 little amused and uncomfortable while talking with me.  Uncomfortable, 
 I thought because of the situation and my obvious problems; amused, I  
realized, because I had been sitting primly, femininely upright with my  
hands crossed in my lap all through our meeting, and still hadn't  
taken the blasted bow out of that scarf, or altered the female style  
buttoning of either the jacket or coat.
And very belatedly realized as I caught sight of my reflection in  
the bank's glass doors, had left the light makeup Nadine had put on me  
earlier, and the bright red nail polish on my nails.  With my curly 
hair  I  presented a very cute picture, and one that wasn't even close 
 to boyish.

"Wow, Jack, or maybe it is Jackie, today again," I muttered  while 
heading for a mission store I knew was in the area.  "I know  that you 
have a lot of things on your mind, and are worried sick about  all of 
them, but you've got to get it together here and quit wandering  around 
looking like you really intend to be a pretty girl.

"Next thing," I grumbled to myself outside of the mission store,   
"I'll probably do is find myself buying dresses or something really 
pretty and feminine instead of  the men's clothes I really need."

I didn't, thank goodness, but didn't have much luck the other way  
either.  There was nothing much in my sizes, which were admittedly 
 small for a man, and what there was in the place was far too ratty  
looking for me to even consider very seriously.  I did find some nice  
things that would fit Caroline and Katherine at almost nonexistent 
 prices, so picked those up.

"Things are kind of picked over in the men's section," the clerk   
who rang up my few purchases apologized as she put them in a plastic  
grocery bag for me, then waved to another section of the store.  "But   
you or your husband could come back in another couple of days and 
 we'll probably have a lot of better stuff for him, honey,"

I was about to protest that I didn't have a husband, or even a 
wife any longer then gave that up as a lost cause when I glanced at 
 the third finger of my left hand.  I'd also failed to remove Lisa's  
wedding band and engagement rings, which she had laughingly had me put  
on the day before so "the men would know I was taken already".

"Thanks," I answered quietly, wondering what had been getting  
into me over the past few days and promising myself a long, private 
 self berating when I got home.  I also smiled at the clerk, a young  
woman who appeared both overworked and willing to work even more if it  
would help someone out.  "Maybe I'll do that."

I ate a light lunch of salad that I mostly picked at because I 
 had no real appetite, then just wandered around the area for another  
few minutes as I waited on the bus to arrive that would get me home.

I had started getting used to having men look at me in the   
measuring way they had with women over the past few days, at least   
enough that I didn't shudder or need to quell the impulse to walk up 
 and ask then to stop staring.  It was even kind of nice in a strange 
way,  getting that kind of attention, though I had no intention of 
doing  anything at all to encourage any of it.

But walking downtown that day I experienced another side of that  
same thing.  An unpleasant side of it.  Being alone, and walking never 
much bothered me when I was wearing my own clothes and doing  it as 
Jack, even though I was small for a guy.  That day, even without  the 
padding I'd worn for my Halloween costume, everyone I encountered  just 
took it for granted that I was a female, and a reasonably pretty  one, 
too, from the ways I got looked at by passing strangers.

Looks that I could mostly ignore, but some of them, openly  
speculative and considering, made my flesh crawl.  It occurred to me  
that I was not strong enough to fight off even a medium sized male, or 
 a smaller one determined to do something to me.  The vulnerability I  
was feeling, the near fearful anticipation of a male hand reaching for  
my shoulder or some other part of my body and pulling me into some 
 alley, was horrible.

"Now," I muttered to myself while quickening my pace to get out  
of that rougher neighborhood and back to the bus stop where I might at   
least feel a little safer, "Get hold of yourself.  I guess this is 
 what women talk about all the time, not feeling entirely safe going 
 out by themselves even in the daytime."

It was another sobering experience added to all the others I'd 
 gone through recently.  By the time my bus arrived and I was safely  
aboard, I had almost become a nervous wreck with the worrying.  I'd  
had enough doors held open and been "Ma'amed" or "Honeyed" enough that  
day, that I didn't turn down the offer of a seat on the crowded bus  
when another gallant gentleman made it.  I truly needed to sit down  
just then.

*   *   *

"Do men always seem to be talking down to you?"  I questioned  
Jennifer over a cup of coffee in her kitchen after arriving without  
further incident or mishap on the way.

"I don't really pay much attention to it any longer," she  
shrugged, giving my still prettied up appearance an almost sympathetic  
look.  "But I guess so.  All those little endearments you get in 
stores  or restaurants, the way they act so naturally superior without 
even  being aware of it most of the time, does irritate me at the odd 
time.  But it's just part of life we girls get used to early on because 
it's part of the culture we live in.  My ex was really bad about it, 
 he acted like I couldn't change so much as a burnt out light bulb  
without his supervision.

"Now," she leaned forward to give me a close look.  "'Do you want   
to tell me why you didn't take off the makeup and nail polish before 
 you left work today?"

"I don't know," was my very honest and puzzled answer.  "I  guess 
it just didn't seem to be worth the effort, with the way people  had 
been reacting to me all morning before Nadine got hold of me.  To  tell 
the truth, buttoning up the jacket this way, the bow instead of a  
Windsor knot, and wearing the makeup really didn't make any difference 
with  the way I got looked at or treated anyway, and I was worrying 
about  everything.

"Oh, damn!"  I trailed off, realizing I had been running on, and 
 leaned my head on my hands in frustrated misery.  "I just don't know, 
Jen.  It never once occurred to me, is all.  Not until it was really 
 way too late to do much about it, anyway."

"You do seem to carry it off well," Jennifer agreed quietly,   
thoughtfully.  "Quite naturally and unselfconsciously, in fact, I   
noticed that last night when I answered the door and didn't recognize  
you.  I thought it was really some young woman at my door, Jack.  Are  
you sure you've never done something like this before?"

"Yes," even more miserable at her question, and the implications  
it held, I actually felt the hot wetness of tears in my eyes and  
fought to hold them in so I wouldn't embarrass myself any more.  "I'm  
sure.  A guy my size and build has to be really careful about things  
like that or people reach conclusions that aren't all that nice about  
him."

"Well, you're sure acting like a distraught female," she calmly  
pointed out to me, then pressed me some more.  "And you aren't sitting   
in that chair like a guy would either."
"Maybe it's the clothes," I hopefully reached for some  
explanation.  "They make me look more feminine, maybe people just take  
that and see what they want to."

"People do see what they expect most of the time," Jennifer 
 nodded,  "But you're also acting in a way that encourages them to  
think that you're a female.  Look at how you're sitting there with  
both hands wrapped around your cup, back straight, knees together, 
 feet flat on the floor, and all that.  It's a classic feminine 
posture  for sitting, Jack, and you assumed it right away when you sat 
down."

"I didn't notice," moving a little, and crossing my legs  
mannishly was more uncomfortable than I wanted to admit just then, but  
there was something niggling at the back of my mind over it.  "My body  
just kind of went that way without conscious direction."

"Well You're doing it again," she pointed out once I had  
uncrossed my legs and pressed my knees primly back together.  "And  you 
looked really uncomfortable when you leaned back and crossed your legs.

"Try crossing them girl style," she suggested.  "To see if that  
way  is comfortable for you."

I did, it was, and I really began to worry as whatever it was in  
the back of my mind began clamoring for attention. I still 
couldn't focus on it to discover what was bothering me so much.  
Whatever it was just seemed to slide right out from  under any scrutiny 
I tried giving it.

A wail from the next room interrupted that very, for me, uneasy   
conversation.  With a feeling that was almost relief, I stood and 
 headed out of the kitchen to retrieve little Katie, who has awakened 
 from her nap and was announcing that she was hungry.

"Have you always been so good with the girls?"  Jennifer had   
followed then helped me change Katie and a sleepy Caroline who hab been 
awakened by her sister, before we each picked one up and returned to 
the  kitchen.  "I mean you really look content when you're taking care 
of  them, even when you have to clean and change them.  Most fathers 
will do that  these days, but none I've ever watched seem all that deep 
down happy  over it."

"They're my daughters," I answered without rancor while heating  
up a bottle of formula for Katie then testing it's heat against my  
forearm by squirting a little out.  "Lisa never did care much for  
taking care of them, so I tried to make up the difference whenever I  
was around."

"You do a really good job of it," Jennifer admitted as I cooed  to 
the one-year-old and let her have the waiting nipple, carefully 
 holding the bottle at an angle to reduce air being taken in with the 
 formula.  "I've also watched women who can't handle a baby so well."

"Like I said," looking up to see Caroline curled up in my   
neighbor's lap and sleeping again, I gave them both a soft smile.  
"I've    had lots of practice.  Lisa is one of those women who couldn't 
seem to get  the hang of taking care of them, or even wanted to try."

"You sure do look like a doting mommy right now," Jennifer  
unhelpfully told me, then got that thoughtful look on her face again.
"Which brings me back around to what I was kind of driving at before   
your little darling woke up.

"Did you let Lisa do anything else to help out with your costume  the 
other day?"  She asked, then waved at me, cradling my daughter in   the 
crook of one arm while feeding her so carefully.  "You know, like  
something that would help you act more feminine or at least seem more  
comfortable in women's clothes?"

"Not that I can think of," that nagging almost itch was back, 
saying there was something else, but I couldn't get past the feeling   
that I really didn't want to know what it might be.  "We visited a  
friend of hers quite a bit more than usual for the week or two before  
Halloween.  She's a therapist who uses hypnosis to help people  quit 
smoking and things like that.  Lisa wanted to quit the habit, and 
 talked me into driving and keeping her company during the rides out  
and back.

"Hold it!"  I shook my head as the direction of this particular  
conversation finally sank in.  "Before you even ask, I never let Alyse  
hypnotize me.  I never picked up smoking as a habit, nor had much else  
I wanted to change about myself.  I didn't even let her do it in fun, 
 like she suggested once when we first met her."

"Are you sure?"  Jennifer questioned, then rushed on before I  could 
interrupt.  "Did you ever fall asleep when you were at this  Alyse's 
with you wife?"

"Oh, I'd doze off sometimes," I answered, "A lot of the visits 
 Lisa made were after I'd gotten off work on some really long days and  
I was kind of tired.  Sure, I'd take a short nap off and on when they  
were in Alyse's office getting Lisa unhooked."

"I see," Jennifer nodded.  "Did you ever drink anything while  you 
were over there waiting?"

"Maybe a beer, or something non-alcoholic if I was really tired  
out," I shrugged, then grinned.  "Come on, Jen, I wasn't hypnotized  or 
anything.  That kind of thing isn't supposed to work anyway if the  
subject doesn't want it to."

"Still, it could be an explanation for the way you've been over  
the last couple of days," my neighbor pressed, flicking a strand of  
dark hair off her too serious face.  "Were you so "motherly" towards  
the girls before you and Lisa met this Alyse?  Or so happy to pick up  
the slack with the housework and cooking when Lisa left it?"

"Well, not really," I began worrying at that odd sense of 
 something at the back of my mind, then dismissed it entirely.  "But  
that doesn't mean anything.  Somebody had to do the stuff, especially  
when Caroline started crawling around."

"So you weren't hypnotized?"  Jennifer pressed.  "Would you be 
 willing to have someone else put you under to find out for sure?"

"I suppose so," I agreed mainly to get her off the subject, and 
laughed as I set a towel over my shoulder and patted Katie's back 
 until she burped.  "But it's going to have to wait until I can get  
some other things straightened out."

"You're avoiding the issue here," she persisted.

"No, I'm not," I returned with an easy chuckle.  "Just putting  it 
off so I can worry about more important things."

*   *   *

"Well," I told Jennifer as I put down the telephone with a sigh.   
"Mr. Ibanez isn't going to throw us out of the house right away, but   
he's still going to raise the rent.  I don't know if I can afford that  
right now."

My landlord had been sympathetic about Lisa's leaving, and about  
my bank accounts being cleaned out, but I'd been late several times 
 already because of the change in jobs and far lower pay from the one 
I  had found.  So he wasn't all that ready to give much in the way of  
ground over this time.  "And he wants the rent by next Monday."

"Will he take some then and the rest when you get paid?"  My  neighbor 
asked.

"Probably, if I had it," was my answer then I bounced a wide  
awake Katherine who had been sitting quietly in my lap and got a happy  
little squeal out of her for the trouble.  "But Katie here has a  
doctor's appointment tomorrow that I'll have to pay for out what I  
have left.  Which isn't going to leave all that much."

"Maybe Social Services or one of the churches could do something  
to help?"   Jennifer queried as she played with Caroline, who was  
beginning to toddle around without needing things to hang onto.

"Social Services has a waiting period, and say they probably 
 won't be able to do much for me anyway, since I'm employed," I  
answered without voicing the implication that I was also male which 
 was another strike against my getting anything from that organization.
"And all the charitable organizations have full lists of applicants  
already with winter coming on.

"Oh, I'll get caught up with things," I assured Jennifer with a   
confidence I didn't really feel.  I'd managed to pay the bills, and  
still could, but replacing everything Lisa had taken, including my  
clothing was something I wasn't sure would be so easy.  "It's just  
going to take awhile and I'll really be pinching the pennies until  
they scream to do it."

"I bet you'd get help in a heartbeat," Jennifer mused with one 
 hand holding to Caroline's and the other moving a glass bowl out of  
the child's reach.  "If you showed up in that getup you wore yesterday  
and claimed to be the children's mother."

"Don't tempt me," I chuckled, not ready for that, but wondering 
 if I might actually get that desperate soon.  "I already have enough  
trouble without getting arrested for fraud."

"Maybe," Jennifer watched me holding little Katherine while I  
gently scolded Caroline for getting into things she shouldn't.  "It  
wouldn't be that much of a stretch, or fraud at all."

*   *   *

That night, I was plagued with very strange dreams, almost like  
memories they were so clear.  

In one of them, I was seated in Alyse's, Lisa's hypnotist  
friend's study with my wife in the background as her friend spoke to  
me in an even, and soft voiced monotone.  My posture in that dream was 
 very straight, with knees and ankles together, hands clasped in my  
lap, chin up, and feet flat on the floor.  While my skin crawled at  
the feel of my male clothing and I felt an irrational wish to be 
 comfortably attired in a dress.

In another, I was cheerfully, and quite contededly, waiting 
 tables at Eileen's Place, feeling so wonderfully cute and sexy in my  
uniform and apron, and subtly flirting with all the male customers 
 much to a watching Nadine's amused delight.

Others involved doing housework, and caring for the girls, in  
ridiculously old fashioned, fifties style dresses complete with high 
heels and a pearl choker.  All of those except the first were filled   
with feelings of warm content and happiness with what I was doing and   
how I was dressed while performing the various tasks.

*   *   *

Katherine had awakened my at five that morning, with her demands 
 to be both changed and fed, which chores I performed in the half 
wakeful   daze most parents of very young children are all too familiar 
with.

It had been cool in the house, and wanting to save as much as   
possible on utility bills, I'd slept in one of the flannel nightgowns  
Lisa had left behind.  The one I was wearing was a knee length  
lavender confection, with lace trimmed short sleeves, scooped neckline  
and a white ribbon running around its empire waist.

I'd also pulled on a quilted robe of shimmering pink satin and 
 slid my feet into matching slippers to protect them from the cold  
floors while I turned up the heat, and for some reason just forgot  
about what I was wearing while I sat in the kitchen and nursed several  
cups of coffee and a light breakfast of sweet rolls and sliced fruit.

After that, I got the girls dressed.  Caroline in a darling 
 little yellow romper and long sleeved shirt, and Katherine in a bright 
 pink outfit with teddy bears embroidered on the bib of her long pants.

"Hold still honey," I unconsciously repeated what my departed 
 wife had told me only two mornings previously while brushing through  
my oldest child's already long, curly blonde hair and fastening it in 
 place with several bow shaped barrettes.  "You want to be cute for 
the  people at the doctor's office today, don't you?"

"Maah!"  Was her emphatic agreement, question, and denial all in  one, 
since that was one of the few words she managed to get out with  any 
clarity at all.  Then she promptly pulled one of the barrettes  loose 
and held it out for my inspection and approval.  Which started  our 
little game of tag with the hairbrush all over again.

Once I'd gotten Caroline's hair finished and convinced her to 
 leave it as I'd fixed it, mostly by telling her over and over again 
 how pretty she was that way, then stubbornly replacing the barrettes, 
I managed to feed the child.   Katherine was calling for attention 
 again.  Which meant another changing and feeding.

"You little dear," I cooed to her while keeping one eye on what  
her sister might be up to and fully prepared to reach behind me to  
keep her from anything that might be harmful.  "And your sister seem  
determined to wear me out before the day's even gotten going properly  
here.  How about giving me a break, sweetie?  I still need to finish  
getting myself cleaned up and dressed, you know."

Katherine burbled out a drooly giggle, while Caroline had found   
the hem of my nightgown and was industriously tugging at the lace on 
 it.  At least I knew for sure what she was up to that way.

An insistently cheery series of musical chimes announced that  
someone was at the front door.  Still holding Katie and juggling her  
bottle, and with Caroline still clutching the hem of the nightgown I  
was wearing, I called out that I'd be there in a minute and began the   
necessarily slow progress to keep that seemingly overly optimistic   
promise.

To find a bemused, and highly amused, Nadine waiting there.  I  hadn't 
realized it was that late, with one thing and another.  The  cold air 
on my bare legs also reminded me, belatedly, that I hadn't  yet gotten 
out of the nightgown, robe, or slippers.

"Well good morning," Nadine widened her initial grin as she got 
 an even better look at the state I was in, then turned to a giggling, 
 but determinedly upright Caroline who still had both hands tightly 
 clutched to the nightgown's hem.  "Have you little darling's been  
wearing Mommy to a frazzle this morning?"

"Come on in, Nadine," I replied carefully stepping to the side   
while towing my oldest daughter in my wake as if she were a dinghy 
 tied to a larger boat or ship.  "And yes, they have been kind of a  
handful this morning."

"You poor thing," Wearing jeans and a bright red sweater, my  co-
worker entered, then closed the door behind her with a shake of her  
head.  "But in spite of that you seem to be coping very well.  You've  
also got that "Mommy in the Morning Look" down perfectly.  Clothes  and 
harassed expression included."

"I've already told you," my voice sounded more than a little weary,   
even to myself.  "This kind of stuff is all that Lisa left for  me to 
wear.  It got cold last night, so I had to wear something when I  got 
up at five this morning to take care of Katherine."

"Okay, okay," following me into the kitchen she laughed at both  
my getup and how I was juggling both children with such harried 
expertise.  "But  really, all you need to complete the picture is 
curlers in your hair  and green goop all over your face."

"Ha, ha," I groused, then handed a contented  Katherine to her.  
"Here, would you mind watching this little alarm  clock while I 
change?."

"Sure," taking the child, she cooed into her face.  "Hi there,  honey.  
Don't fuss, mommy will be back pretty soon.  You'll be good  for Aunt 
Nadine while she's gone, won't you sweetie?"

I ignored her comments, picking up two year old Caroline so I 
 could walk at a normal pace, and shushing her howls of protest by  
placing her little hands on the lace at the bodice of the gown.  Which  
for some reason wasn't nearly so interesting as that around the hem.

Later, in a pair of blue linen pants, still with that   
embarrassingly infuriating back zip and a white pullover long sleeved  
sweater pulled down to cover that fact, white ankle socks and black 
 high topped shoes that were warm but still fairly obviously feminine, 
 I was seated back in the kitchen with Caroline happily ensconced in my 
 lap while Katherine slept quietly in Nadine's.

"So what do you need to do today, little Mommy?"  She questioned  
with a stifled giggle.  "I'm sorry, but you just looked so cute and  
harried in you nightie, robe and slippers when you answered the front  
door this morning I can't get the picture out of my mind."

"Me neither," I answered without either the shame or anger at my   
self being caught by anyone in such a getup should have caused.  "But  
curlers are kind of out right now, and no green goop either."

"Oh, that's right," Nadine gave me a mischievous smile.  "Your  
hair's permed, and you already have a wonderful complexion.  Why try  
to  fix something that doesn't need it?"

"Gee, thanks," I muttered, "But to answer your first question, 
Katie here has a doctor's appointment at 11:00 this morning, but up to  
then I really haven't made any concrete decisions.  If you hadn't  
offered to drive me around, most of the morning would have been taken  
up with getting there by bus."

"But now there's a little extra time for doing things," Nadine  
nodded, her blue eyes crackling with barely suppressed mirth yet.  "So  
what would you like to do?  Sit here and drink coffee, trade girl 
 talk, or go get yourself some pants that have a front zip?"

"That last sounds like a winner," I dryly answered.  "I looked  
around some yesterday, but really couldn't find anything that fit or  
wasn't so ratty I'd be embarrassed wearing them if I lived on the   
street."

"One more question," raising her eyebrows, she waved a hand  
towards my crotch, which was girlishly flat in the snugged up pants. 
 "Are you wearing a girdle under those?"

"No," I responded shortly.  "All the pants Lisa left behind are  so 
tight down there that they pretty well squash my equipment flat,  which 
really hurts.  I just kind of tucked things up and under before  I put 
these on; at least I can move around and sit down without  wincing that 
way."

"Just wondered," Nadine passed it off as unimportant, but I  could 
tell she thought I looked more than just a little girlish yet.

"Well, come on, little Mommy," standing up with a smirk, she  held 
Katherine out to me.  "Let's get your little darlings dressed for  
outside, get our own coats, and get moving."

It was too cold out that day, with a sharp north wind, for the  
trench coat I'd worn the previous one, which left me with the options 
of going without and freezing, wearing it and  still freezing, or 
wearing the heavier, bright blue wool one I'd used  on Halloween.  With 
a sigh I shrugged into the blue one and reached  for the purse that I'd 
placed my ID and money in, along with the  children's records, because 
the pants I was wearing, in fact, all the  pants in the house, had no 
pockets.

"Come on Jackie, dear," Nadine urged with another little stifled  
giggle at how I looked, and flinched at her use of the feminine form  
of my name.  "Don't look so put out, Jackie, with the way you're  
dressed, that coat and purse, and a baby wrapped up in your arms like  
that, I just can't stand to call you a man's name.  Now shouldn't we  
get going?"

*   *   *

"Katherine Montgomery?"  The receptionist called, and Nadine  
nudged me out of my halfway morose reveries.  We'd stopped at several  
places where I should have found some inexpensive men's clothes, but 
 nothing we found was small enough to fit at all.  And though I  
wouldn't admit the fact, even to myself, my flesh had almost crawled  
off my bones while I was trying some of the nearer fits on anyway.

"That's your cue, honey," my companion nudged me again, so taking 
the baby up in my arms, I rose to answer the call.  

"Right here,"

"Just follow me, Mrs. Montgomery," the pert young receptionist  
gave me a friendly smile, "And I'll take you back to the examination  
room where you can wait for the doctor to see your little girl."

Mrs. Montgomery.  Since this was a new doctor, and office, for  
Katherine and the following week, Caroline, I had been taken for the  
children's mother.  Which wasn't all that surprising seeing the way I  
was dressed, with my still painted fingernails, and permed hair.  What 
was  surprising was the fact the in spite of not wearing anything to 
make  it appear that I had either womanly hips or breasts, even the 
other mothers waiting in the office had just automatically accepted me 
as  one of them.  

I hadn't had he nerve to disabuse them of that misconception either.

"How some people can get away with things just amazes me," One of   
the women in the waiting lounge whispered to one beside her as I  
passed by and I braced myself for being finally caught out as a man in 
women's clothing.  

"Imagine!"  The woman gave me an envious look while patting her  
own ample middle.  "She's had two children and still has that skinny,  
girlish figure intact."

I just smiled as if it weren't any of my own doing, which was the  
truth, I hadn't had to work at all to "regain" my figure after either 
 of the girls was born, as I followed the receptionist past the pair.

"Oh, Jackie's always driven the rest of us nuts," I heard Nadine  
comment in response.  "With her constant size fives.  You should have  
seen her when she was pregnant, she looked like a snake that was   
swallowing a watermelon." 

The general laughter at that comment was closed off as the door  
shut behind us.

I sat and privately fumed over that, and the horridly ridiculous  
idea of myself being pregnant at all, once the receptionist had left  
us with a cheerful goodbye.  Then wondered at what was getting into me  
over the past few days.  Sure, I'd been under a lot of stress, and had  
a whole cartload of problems that were demanding my immediate  
attention all at the same time.  

But how did that explain my overtly feminine gestures, posture,  and 
reactions to other people I had to deal with?  Or my acceptance of  the 
too feminine garments Lisa had left behind with the express  purpose of 
embarrassing me with the necessity for wearing some of  them at least 
once in public.  Or my revulsion, yes call it revulsion,  at the very 
thought of once again wearing male clothing at all.  

Though I'd never been what someone, anyone really, would call  
macho, or even so much as undeniably masculine, I had been masculine,  
and fully male in my actions, gestures, and responses to other people  
before coming to this new city and job.  After all, I'd fathered two  
children, hadn't I?

But now I couldn't work up so much as physically demonstrable  
outrage, or much internally either, when everyone who set eyes on me  
naturally assumed I was not only a female, but also the mother of 
Katherine  and Caroline.

It was a very demoralizing experience, but also thrilling in a way 
I wasn't quite able to explain satisfactorily to myself.  

"Geeze," I muttered to myself with a rueful little shake of my  
head that set my tightly curled hair to bouncing against my cheeks and  
neck, further reminding me of how changed I had become in such a short  
time.  "If things keep going like this, I'll start taking female  
hormones, get myself a sex change, and start looking around for a Daddy 
 to help raise the girls."

The doctor, a brisk, young man just getting started in his 
 practice made an entrance that seemed awfully delayed to me from the  
way his receptionist had assured me that he would be right with us.

"Hello, Mrs. Montgomery," he greeted me with a carefully gauged 
look of friendly concern, professionalism, and almost embarrassingly  
frank appraisal of my own form before looking towards the reason I was  
sitting in one of his examination rooms in the first place.  "I'm Dr.  
Julian Parker, and want to make sure you feel both welcome and  
comfortable with me, here.  

"And this little gem," he reached out a finger to tickle a  
squirming Katherine who was on my lap with a grin that told me he  
really liked children.  "Has to be Katherine.  How are you, sweetie?"

Katie squealed, gurgled, and generally showed her complete  
approval of the handsome young doctor who was tickling her nose.  The  
examination was quick, complete, and filled with small talk and little 
 coos to keep the baby included in the conversation.  I was impressed  
in spite of having been sitting there waiting for over half an hour.

When he was finished, with both the examination, and giving her 
 the shots she was due to have, Dr. Parker grinned down at her, then 
up  to give me a very serious look.  "Mrs. Montgomery."

"Your friend out in the waiting room with your other little girl,  
who is by the way just as adorable as Katie here, spoke to me about  
your, ummm, little problem."

"She did?"  I queried with my heart trying to crowd my tongue out  of 
my mouth at being exposed for what I was, a man in women's clothing  
who had passed himself off as the girl's mother.

"Now don't get angry," he raised a placating hand to halt  
anything else I might have said.  "I gave your old doctor a quick long  
distance call to check on the story."

"My old doctor?"  I managed to refrain from sounding too  
incredulous.  I hadn't had a regular doctor for years.

"The one your were seeing before coming here," he nodded.  
"Dr. Richards was very forthright, and told me plainly that with your  
current financial trouble what with being left to take care of two 
 little ones on your own, you'd never even consider asking for this  
yourself."

I truly didn't know what he was talking about, and the look on my  
face must have seemed as confused as I felt.  Parker only gave me a  
reassuring smile then handed me a prescription form he had already  
filled out.  "So, don't worry about it, dear.  I can take payments,  
anything you might be able to afford, and the pharmacy downstairs has  
already been informed that you can pick this up whenever you need it.

"I specialize in pediatrics, I know, but I'm also a gynecologist  
and obstetrician," he went on, then gave me a look that was so openly 
sympathetic that I almost cringed while taking the offered form out of 
his hand.  "But do know how traumatic ovarian cancer, and the surgery  
you went through to get rid of it, can be for a young woman.  This  
will supply the juice that your own system can't any longer."

"Oh," I replied, quite intelligently, I thought rather acidly to  
myself, and managed to give him a very hesitant smile.  "Thank you."

"Take one of each of those with meals," he ordered gently with  an 
encouraging smile.  "It'll help before you know it, I promise."

"All right, Dr. Parker," I answered, afraid that he'd want to  
examine me and further complicate this mess of misunderstandings by  
discovering that ovarian cancer was something that would never be even 
 a potential problem as far as I was concerned.  "I'll take your word 
 for it."

"Fine," he nodded, brisk again and reading his charts.  "I'll  want to 
have Katherine in for another checkup in six months, and see  that I'll 
be seeing your other daughter next week.  So I'll be looking  forward 
to seeing you again, Mrs. Montgomery."

"Huh," I shook my head, the almost fearfully looked at the  
prescription form still in my hand.  I couldn't read the thing, his  
handwriting actually was as terrible as the stereotyped doctor's, but  
had a strong feeling I knew what they were for.

Then it slammed home that Alyse's last name had been Richards, 
 and that he had mentioned a long distance call being necessary to  
reach her.

"All right, Nadine," I quietly hissed into her ear once I had  
returned to the reception room and had Katie wrapped back up for  
outside and made certain Caroline was ready to go.  "What in the hell  
is going on here?"

"Don't make a scene in here Jacqueline," she grinned at me, then  
guided me through the door into the hallway.  "Let's just go  
downstairs and pick up your prescriptions shall we?  Then we can talk 
in the car, honey."

It was a quick and very unnerving stop at the pharmacy.  As Dr. Parker 
had promised, the bottles were waiting for me, already packaged  in a 
bag and ready.  I signed another form, in the name of Jacqueline  Renee 
Montgomery, as I had on the forms in the doctor's office, and  accepted 
the bag before following a confidently pleased Nadine back to  her car.

"Those," she crisply informed me with a gesture at the bag  
crumpled in my clenched hands, after we had settled the girls and  she 
had started the car.  "Are Premarin, to help your figure "come back" to 
the womanly proportions you ought to have, and something to  promote 
the growth and stimulation of mammary glands.  Which you will  be 
taking religiously from now on, dear."

"Why would I agree to do that?"  was my response, without the  heat I 
had expected, or even a lot of the anger I should have felt  over being 
set up the way I knew I had been.

"Because Lisa, Alyse, and I went to an awful lot of trouble 
 getting you into the position where you are now, Jacqueline, dear.  
 And none of us are going to let you slip the hook now that you're  
right where we planned on your being."

"Which is?"  I faintly asked, feeling a weight on my chest that  
made breathing difficult, and thinking it a premonition of the very  
real, and soft weights that would soon be there if I did as this woman 
was telling me.

"Being the loving Mommy you should have been in the first place," 
Nadine shortly told me.  "Lisa never wanted the kids, but you did, and 
were hoping for more down the road.  Your poor wife just isn't suited  
to being a mother, dearest.  You, however, seem to have all the  
qualifications necessary for the job.  Or will have in another few 
months, anyway, after taking those pills as they're prescribed."

"What if I refuse," I ventured, thinking it couldn't be that  easy.  
"To take the pills, or go along with all this?"

"We aren't going to give you the option," Nadine grinned and  
gestured at the purse I had been carrying all day long.  "Have a look  
at the ID in your purse, dear lady."

I did, and let out a shocked gasp as I unfolded the things in  
their plastic pockets within the ladies wallet I was carrying.  My  
picture, with hair as it was now, and fully made up, smiled pleasantly  
back at me from a driver's license in the name of Jacqueline Renee  
Montgomery.  There was a social security card in the same name, with  
my own number, a birth certificate stating that I was female, and  
other documents, all appearing quite official that supported that 
 claim.  The cappers though, were a copy of my marriage license, to a 
 man named Lawrence, and the children's birth certificates, listing the 
 newly devised Jacqueline Renee Montgomery as their birth mother.

"These look real," I quietly told myself in a stunned voice.

"Oh, they are, dear," Nadine answered with a very smug smile of 
satisfaction on her face.  "The people who made those up are the best  
in the business.  They got into vital statistics, the driver's license  
computers, everything, to change your identity over to this one.  Jack  
Montgomery only exists in memory now, honey.  It's Jacqueline who has  
the official status of a registered, officially sanctioned person.  Who 
also happens to have two lovely little daughters and a jerk of a  
husband who abandoned her and them to fend for themselves as best they 
 can.

"Very sad," shaking her head, Nadine gave me a grin that said  she 
was anything but.  "You're going to need to move out of the house  your 
husband rented, find another, cheaper place to live, or a roommate who 
will put up with two little ones.  And of course, you'll be  getting a 
different job.  Still waiting tables, of course, since  you're so good 
at that, but somewhere that you'll be able to make a  little more 
money.

"Now, we're going to stop at your house where you can get back  
into your tits and ass, then we have to go see about our new jobs, 
 dear.  And yes, I'm going where you do, we're a team now, sweetie, so 
 get used to the idea, okay?"

I didn't answer, which she took as surrender, which I suppose it 
was.  Too stunned and horrified by what she had just told me, I  
couldn't even find my voice to ask her why.  Just sat quietly until we  
pulled to a stop in the drive of my house.

*   *   *

My "Tits and Ass" as Nadine had so eloquently described them, 
 were far more intricate and realistic than the padding and balloons  
I'd used on Halloween.  She opened the trunk of her car to remove 
 several packages as I unlocked the house and got both Caroline and 
 Katherine inside.

"Now these," she enthusiastically told me, "would hold up under 
 all but the closest scrutiny, Jacqueline, honey.  Once we have all 
 these little beauties securely attached you could walk around naked in 
 a women's dressing room and only attract attention because of your  
gorgeous figure."

What she was holding up for my benefit looked almost like a  
strapless woman's one-piece swimsuit with knee length legs.  Almost.
Where the cups for a real woman's breasts would have been were two  
fleshy mounds with half-dollar sized aureoles that were pinkish brown,   
tipped with nipples the size of pencil erasers.  

The crotch was slightly rounded, like a females, and  sickeningly, 
to me, realistic with labia major, labia minora, a little  button of 
clitoris that peeped out when Nadine opened the false lips  to show me, 
and had a pair of long tubes on the inside, one connected  to a sleeve 
type catheter designed to hold my penis and direct any  discharges, 
urine or otherwise from it, through the small, perfectly  faked 
urethra.  

Its hips and bottom were well rounded, seeming a bit lumpy when  
the thing was empty, and the back would encase my waist and lower ribs  
all the way to the shoulder blades.  I also noticed a short, flimsy 
 rubber tube inside the rectal area with a sick look.

"So you'll be able to take care of every natural function without  
needing to remove this beauty," Nadine told me with a wide grin, then  
opened the other, smaller package to withdraw a tube of adhesive, and  
a jar filled with flesh toned, water resistant makeup.  "Now let's get  
you into your new body, little Mommy."

With my testicles pressed back into the body cavity they'd  
originally descended from, and my penis encased within the catheter  
tube then fit into a shallow groove in the front of the garment, the 
fact that I was physically male was completely hidden.  The other 
hollow tube, a very life like vagina I discovered rested squarely 
 under it.  Should I ever get to the point where another, or honestly, 
 a man since I was getting farther and farther from that with each  
passing day, was going to have sex with me his erect member would rub 
against the sensitive  underside of my own trapped one.

"You'll be able to open those lovely, long legs for a man in  
this, Jacqueline, honey, and he wouldn't know the difference from the 
 real thing.  Plus you'll get the whole benefit of the experience too. 
 Isn't that great?"

She slathered the adhesive inside the thing's crotch then yanked  
it tightly against my own with a swift, single pull that had false and 
 real snugged together so tightly even air couldn't get between them. 
 Then ran a gloved finger spread with the adhesive around the inner 
rim  of the little sleeve at the anus, which became the outside, and 
firmly  attached to the inside of my rectum once she pushed the little 
ring of  thin rubbery latex up inside of it.

More adhesive where the legs ended just above my knees, and she 
 was smoothing the gradually thinning latex, or whatever it was beyond  
the padded areas until the divide between the prosthetic and real had  
become nearly impossible to see even when searching for it. 

"Now suck in your tummy and hold your breath," she told me, working 
the thing up my waist.  "This is going to be the hard  part."

It was, the waist of the thing was very tight, and as it was 
slowly,  patiently worked upwards I felt as if small, tight bands of 
steel were  being tightened around me.  By the time only the imitation 
breasts  dangled obscenely unattached to my chest, I was gasping for 
breath and  had a high, narrow, very feminine waist.

"Oh, now that's better," Nadine commented approvingly.  "Your  waist 
was still a little big around for the perfect figure we wanted  you to 
have.  Now catch your breath, take small ones and use your  chest 
instead of belly for it until you get used to this."

I was seeing small black and silver spots before I managed that,   
and she had already spread more of the adhesive in an outward spiraling  
pattern from each of my own nipples.   

Then had me hold the artificial but very real looking, and  
feeling mounds of flesh tightly against my chest as she carefully  
smoothed down the same kind of edges that had been on the leg pieces.

Satisfied with her work, she stood back to have a look at my 
severely  altered shape for a few moments before nodding and placing 
the makeup  off to the side.

"We won't need that after all," she told me, then smirked.  "The  
blending and skin tones are a perfect match.  I helped you into the   
thing and can't tell where it stops and you start.  But since this was  
custom made for you specifically, that isn't such a surprise, is it?"

"Custom made?"  I was still gasping for breath off and on, but  
not simply because of the constriction at my middle.  The hips, 
 bottom, and especially the breasts, moved with every breath I took, 
 and staring down showed me creamy fleshed mounds tipped with those  
pertly erect nipples while further peering in that direction, around 
 the breasts, showed me a very trim waist swerving outward into softly 
 inviting hips and a bottom that was every bit as pleasantly rounded. 
 Providing of course, you were a watching male, and not the unfortunate 
 one trapped inside them.

"Oh, yes," she grinned again, giving my augmented bottom a   
friendly, proprietary pat.  "We got your measurements, and skin tones,  
even had a preliminary fitting, some of the times you were  under at 
Alyse's learning how to be so "naturally" feminine, dear.

"A preview of things to come," Nadine gently took my shoulders  to 
turn me so I could see the full length mirror on the bedroom wall.
"In another few months, Jackie darling, You'll have a figure like this 
without needing the padding to get it."

What I saw, besides a widely grinning Nadine, was a nude, well  
shaped, and extremely attractive young woman staring back at me.  Not  
that seeing an apparent female when my reflection passed my eyes was  
such a shock any more, but this really shook me.  This was different by 
a long, long,  way.

Those other times had been in clothes, which had helped disguise  
the fact that I really hadn't possessed the figure they showed to the  
world.  After getting into that prosthetic garment, though, clothes  
weren't necessary for the illusion.  The face and hair, I've already  
described, and those hadn't changed except for the half-horrified half-
fascinated expression on my face.

Between my already slim neck and knees, though.  Now that was an  
entirely different story.  Slender, straight back, high, narrow waist,  
full, almost too large breasts for her size, and lushly rounded hips,   
bottom, and thighs were quite openly visible for examination.  Along   
with the all too real looking folds of pseudoflesh at my crotch hidden  
coyly beneath a neatly inverted triangle of honey gold hair.

I must have spent over ten minutes staring, trying to find the  
slightest flaw in the illusion that this was truly a very lovely, sexy  
young woman standing there with her pretty mouth alternately gaping  
open and snapping shut in disbelief.  And couldn't find one thing that 
 would have given away the fact that a genetic and physical male was  
imprisoned somewhere within that gloriously formed female body.

"No man I ever knew would throw that out of bed for eating   
crackers, honey," Nadine's soft voice intruded on my confusion, then  
trilled with amusement.  "Hell, sweetie, if I was some guy after you  
and you really wanted them, I'd buy you a whole damn box of crackers 
 just to get you into bed with me.

"Now enough of admiring yourself, dear," her voice turned crisp  
as she tapped me on the shoulder with an amused expression on her face.   
"Vanity is supposed to be a feminine trait, but let's not get carried  
away with it, okay?  Let's get you dressed and your face on so you'll  
really be able to zap the men with one sultry glance from those  
gorgeous eyes."

Panties, bra, and garter belt, all of ice blue satin trimmed with 
snowy white lace only enhanced the overt, if innocent sexiness of the  
vision I still beheld, somewhat numbly, in the mirror whenever I  
caught a glimpse of myself.  Sheer nylons only made my long, smooth 
 legs smoother and shinier, and I attached their tops to the garters 
 with extreme care, still being unused to the dangling weights on my  
chest and the different balance required because of heavier, broader 
 hips and bottom.

A slick, tricot slip matching the other lingerie in color slid  
sibilantly over my newly made womanly curves to settle into place with  
its hem riding just above my knees.  I inanely thought the lace at the  
bodice would have tickled my breasts if they had been real.  A teal  
wool skirt, tightly form fitting and slit just enough in the back to  
allow movement without being completely hobbled, and the same white 
 ribbed wool sweater I'd worn that morning completed the ensemble.  

Let me tell you, that sweater did not look like the same garment  
that afternoon, with the fullness of firm, proud breasts filling out  
the front accentuated even more by the slender waist and back I now  
had.  Wearing the tight knee length skirt, I presented a reasonably  
sedate, but still very sexy picture.  A pair of glossy, caramel brown  
pumps and matching belt completed the whole pretty picture.

At least Nadine let my makeup be mostly understated, still  
highlighting the more feminine features quite adequately, but with the  
kind of body I was showing off, my makeup didn't need to be heavy or  
bright.  Even so, the red lipped, beauty with large, sultry blue eyes
rimmed with thick, curling lashes I had become was a definite traffic  
stopper. 

The addition a pair of dangling little hoop earrings, a gold chain 
necklace that curved as it fell over my breasts, a heavy bangle  
bracelet that made my wrist seem even more delicate, and the slim gold  
banded ladies watch, made very sure that anyone seeing me would take me 
as a very stylish young woman.  Or matron if I had  either or both of 
the girls with me.

"Very, very nice," Nadine approved once we had finished.  Yes,  we.  
I'd ended up doing a lot of the makeup and chosen the jewelry  myself.  
Why not?  I'd already been so transformed, and literally  cemented into 
the transformation, that fighting things like makeup, a skirt, and  
jewelry really seemed like a waste of time.  "Now walk around for me a  
little bit, Jackie, dear.

"Whoooee!"  She fanned herself dramatically once I had done so, 
then shook her head in open admiration.  "You got it all, sweetheart.  
The  face, the bod, the moves, no one seeing you is ever going to 
wonder  how come you've got two kids.  What they will wonder about is 
how  you've managed to have just two."

"Wonderful," giving the very different, and unnerving, image I  
now saw in the mirror a lift of one elegantly arched, thin eyebrow, a  
shrug that set up delightful shimmies under the white wool of my 
 sweater, I thought that I'd sure have made a play for this lady under  
my present circumstances.  If she hadn't been me.  "Now what?"

"We load up the little ones," Nadine gave me a speculative look,  
then chuckled.  "And go show them off at Eileen's, you've got them 
dressed so cute and all, everyone is going to adore your little girls,   
Jacqueline, honey.  While we're there, you can introduce the new and  
vastly improved you to everyone and tell Eileen that either she takes   
you like this or you quit."

"I need that job, Nadine," I grated, barely able to get the wind  
to speak, lwt alone shout as I wanted to do.

"Sweetie," Nadine smiled and gave my faked chest a light,  
suggestive stroke.  "Eileen would be a fool to let you go, but if she 
does, you could have a job doing just about anything that your high  
school education will allow.  And probably within hours of applying  
for it."

"Great," I muttered, staring down at my now very hilly chest  with 
still disbelieving trepidation.  "Not only do I feel like a  
suffocating, ambulatory bag of Jell-O, I have to give my boss an  
ultimatum that I probably won't have the breath for."

"Oh don't be so negative," Nadine chided me than gave my  shoulder 
a companionable little pat.  "Your voice is really kind of  sweet now.  
All breathy and low purrs.  It's great, and super sexy.  Trust me, the 
customers are going to love it."

"That's another thing that worries me," I grumbled, while  
gathering the leather shoulder bag that matched my shoes and  
transferring my ID, money, and other things into it.

"You did just fine the other day," my companion pointed out  
cheerfully.

"Yeah," I agreed with widened eyes.  "But that was when I was  
sure it was only going to be for one day, and knew that no one would   
recognize me as the little tart who waited on them."

"Well everyone's going to recognize you now," Nadine smirked.  "Just 
make sure you keep your wedding band and engagement rings on  until you 
see some hunk you really want to get into, and you'll be  okay."

"That's exactly what Lisa told me Wednesday morning," my voice  
sounded pained at the memory, because just thinking about my 
treacherous, scheming, vengeful little wife hurt.

"Quit worrying about Lisa," Nadine advised quietly.  "You're a  
girl now, and forever more, Jacqueline.  And I'm going to make damn  
sure that you aren't a lesbian either.  So get used to the idea now, 
 honey."

*   *   *

Oh, I filled out that blue wool ladies winter coat a whole lot 
better, too.  Of course, the shorter swaying steps I had to take  
because of the snug skirt combined with the three inch heels I was  
wearing contributed to that as well.  Those garments, along with the 
prosthetics attached to my body assured that I had a languidly  swaying 
walk.  I was forced into using that ultra feminine, very female strut 
just to get across a room.  

The baby who looked like my child, cradled in my motherly arms  
and the toddler who greatly resembled me in Nadine's arms did nothing  
at all to deter male interest in what they saw when I walked past them  
either.  In fact, the proof I was fertile enough to bear children 
 probably enhanced their interest on an instinctive level, at least. 

I noticed all that in the half block we walked from where Nadine   
had parked the car to Eileen's Place.  It was a very nerve wracking  
experience for me.  More so than before, even when I had been all done  
up in the waitress uniform that I had the sinking feeling would be  my 
work clothes for a long time to come.  But then, that uniform, no  
matter how feminine, and at the time, demeaning it had been for me had  
only hinted at the form underneath.

What I had on now, clothing, and everything else, even with the  
winter coat, which was tightly belted around my svelte middle, left  
absolutely nothing to the imagination about the body underneath.  Which 
couldn't be detected as a fake without a lot of effort on the  part of 
someone determined to find its few, miniscule flaws.  I was  sickly 
certain that no man eager to bed the beauty he saw in me would  be all 
that critical, or anxious over such things.  He probably  wouldn't even 
notice.

So my thoughts went back around to something Nadine had told me  
earlier.  That she wasn't going to allow me to be a lesbian.  Huh. 
 Since I was still, technically, male, would having sex with a male, 
 given the way things had gone so far I was more than reasonably sure  
that was going to happen too, make me a homosexual?  Or what?  A  
transsexual once the promised development of my own charms was well  
along?  A girl with a cock and balls? I didn't know, couldn't quite  
get a handle on the idea so gave up in exasperated confusion.

Frankly, I really didn't wish to think about having sex with a 
 man at all.  Even if the way I was set up and confined down there 
 where things like that happened precluded much else.  Head spinning  
with more mixed up ideas than I'd entertained in years all at once, I  
quickly gave up on that tack as well.

Besides, simply walking without banging a tit, excuse me, breast, 
or hip into some innocent parking meter or bystander was taking an 
 awful lot of my attention just then.  I really did feel like a  
bloated, animated bag of walking, jiggling Jell-O and had to be very 
 careful of making anything like quick movements or rapid changes of 
 direction.  It seemed as if sheer momentum from the extra weight and  
different masses I was carrying around were determined to keep me  
headed in the one direction I had originally pointed myself in.  Unless 
I came to a complete stop, turned, and started out again.

"You'll get used to it pretty fast," Nadine noted my difficulty  
with more than a little amusement, then helpfully pointed out.  "You're 
already getting the hang of it, you know.  You're really very  graceful 
and smooth in all your movements."

"It's either that," I acknowledged with a quirk of my lips that  
might have been interpreted as a smile by some people.  "Or end up on 
 my face, or butt, right here on the sidewalk.  And since I'm carrying 
Katherine, I really don't want that to happen.  You know?"
"It would be kind of embarrassing.  Even without the baby  
involved," Nadine agreed with a little laugh, then gave me a wide 
 eyed, innocent look.  "You see, you're already making the necessary 
adjustments to being what you are.  I knew you could, and would.

"Plus,"  she gave me a sly grin.  "The guys are really eating it   
up.  They love watching you walk, honey.  

"That one there,"  giggling, she discreetly pointed out a young  
fellow fumbling with his car keys a few feet behind us.  "Has such a  
boner that he can't even get his keys in the slot.  Not a great  
recommendation for someone who wants to get you into bed, is it?"

"Could we talk about something else?"  Was my plaintive response, 
which didn't require an answer because by then we'd reached the double 
glass doors that were the entrance to Eileen's Place.  And to think  
I'd been worried about going in there as I was.  Turns out it was a  
relief.

*   *   *

For all of five seconds.  Maybe five and a half if you count the  
time it took Leta, and Sarah, one of the other waitresses, to snap  
their mouths shut once I'd set Katherine's carrier on a booth's table  
and gotten out of my coat.

"Hey sugar!"  One of the male customers called out to me with a  
wide grin.  "We missed you the past couple of days.  Where you been?"

"Woman stuff," Nadine told him for me with a significant look 
towards the one-year-old I had just taken out of her baby carrier.

"Oh, yeah.  Sure."  The guy actually blushed, then gave me a  worried 
smile, as if my woman troubles might somehow be contagious. 
 Considering just what mine were, it could have been, too.  He waved 
 before turning back to his late lunch.  "Good to see you back.  Hope  
everything's okay."

"Just fine, thanks," I answered, wondering how I even managed to  
say such a thing under the circumstances.     

"Why Jackie," Leta gave me a thorough once over that finished  
with a not unfriendly grin, though it wasn't a warm one either.  "You  
really look fantastic today.  I'd thought we weren't going to see you  
again, dear, but here you are."

"Here I am," I responded, then passed Katherine across to Nadine 
 so Caroline, who had been feeling left out and reaching towards me  
with louder and louder calls of "Maah!  Maah!" could snuggle against my 
newly enlarged and softened chest.

That didn't escape Leta's attention, or Sarah's who had joined 
 the little group at out booth.  Leta smiled at the two-year-old, 
 leaning forward to ask her.  "And who are you, sweetie?"

"This," I answered for the squirming child as her motions rucked 
 up my skirt.  "Is my oldest daughter, Caroline."

"Well aren't you just the cutest little thing," she told 
 Caroline, who cheerfully agreed with a squeal and giggle.  The woman  
glanced up at me with a smile.  "How old is she?"

"Two," I beamed, just as if I was a proud mother showing off her  
beautiful little girl to other women.  Rearranging her on my lap while  
smoothing my skirt at the same time took a bit of concentration, but I  
managed somehow.  Then began rocking the current center of attention  
with the arm not occupied with keeping her little hands off the salt 
 and pepper shakers on the table.

"She's dressed so cute, too," Leta honestly appraised the child  
in my lap, though she was also commenting on me, then turned to take a  
look at Katherine, who was basking in Sarah's attention.  "So is you r 
littlest one.  What's her name, and did you dress them like this  
yourself?"

"Her name is Katherine," Nadine supplied for me, then grinned at  
me as she finished with a response to the last part of the question. 
 "And of course, Jacqueline dressed the little dears this morning. 
 She's their Mommy after all, and a very good one, too.

"She even had them dressed before she got ready herself," my  
companion and ramrod into life as a mommy chuckled.  "Poor Jackie  
looked so harassed this morning in her nightie and robe, but the  
children were already perfectly dressed and clean as little whistles. 
Jackie's really a very good at doing those motherly chores."

"So I see," Leta nodded with a thoughtful look at me, then  smiled 
warmly.  "Which is something we've all pretty much suspected  for some 
time now.  You really are well suited to it, Jackie.  Are you  coming 
back to work with us soon?"

"I don't really know," was my truthful, and somewhat worried 
 answer to that.  "I'll have to talk with Eileen about that.  She  
didn't seem too happy with me the other day."

Whether I was worried about Eileen's disapproval of my present  
"look", or with the possibility she would approve and let me work as  
Jackie, I wasn't all that certain.  Leta's slowly growing acceptance,  
mostly because of the children, I thought, was demoralizing and 
uplifting all at the same time.  

Demoralizing for the flagging manhood I was still hoping to get  
back to in spite of what Nadine had told me and the hormones I had 
started taking that noon under her adamant direction.  Being not only  
accepted as a woman, but told that I was better suited to that role  
than that of a man was crushing to my waning, nearly hypnotized out of  
existence, male ego.

Uplifting for the newly(?) installed feminine, female part of my 
psyche that had at least been started with post hypnotic suggestions.   
But was being almost constantly reinforced by the positive feelings I  
received from total strangers and now, from people I knew and had been  
working with for months.

Believe me, it was bad enough being accepted as woman by complete  
strangers, even though I more than looked the part, and was acting it  
whether by conscious direction or not.  But to have people who knew me   
as Jack so readily taking Jacqueline as the person I had become, and  
according to at least Leta, should have been all along?  To say I was  
feeling lost between two states would be far from adequate at the 
 time.

Sarah, who had been hired about the same time I started as the  
bookkeeper and part time counter help, had not seen me on Halloween,   
having been off that day.  But she seemed not at all surprised to see  
me in the tight fitting sweater and skirt outfit.  In fact, the young  
woman fairly beamed her quiet assurances that I was quite properly  
attired.

"Oohh," she cooed to a happily burbling Katherine.  "You're a   
pretty little thing, just like your mommy over there.  Aren't you a  
lucky little girl having such a good, beautiful mommy to teach you  all 
about being a girl?

"Are you coming back to work here?"  She asked, echoing Leta's  
question.  "I hope so, Jackie.  The place wouldn't be quite the same 
without you here."

"You only knew me as Jack," I pointed out.  "Isn't this sudden  
acceptance of my sudden switch in genders a little abrupt of you?"

"Oh, shoot, honey," Sarah grinned at me while tickling my show 
stealing one-year-old under the chin with a fingernail.  "All of us  
girls have more or less expected something like this since you started  
here.  We all thought you were using that Halloween costume as an   
excuse, you know, a way to get started out, is all.  It was kind of a  
surprise to see you still trying to be a man the next day.  We were  
all so disappointed."

"See," Nadine raised an eyebrow at me.  "Everyone who knows you 
seems to think that you fit the image you have now better than you did  
the other way, Jacqueline, darling.  Even your little girls are happy  
with their new Mommy.  Why fight it any longer, hon?"

"That's right," Eileen's voice cut into the conversation, and I  
turned to see my boss giving me, and the active two year old twisting  
to see everyone and everything while still in my lap, a curiously soft  
smile.  "After Nadine explained your real situation to me over a month  
ago, I more or less expected something like this to happen.

"I only wish you'd had the nerve to tell me yourself, dear."  she  
finished with a sad look that brightened when Caroline held out her  
arms to be picked up.
"My situation," glaring at a smug Nadine, who was innocently  
playing with Katherine and studiously ignoring me at the moment, I  
sighed.  "Was something I wasn't too clear on up until very recently, 
Eileen.  I'm sorry, I really would have told you if I'd been sure of   
it."

Or even what it was.  Clearly my wife and her friends had   
carefully set me up long in advance.  With rumors, confidential asides   
to people I came into contact with regularly, and the numerous, I was  
now quite sure, hypnosis sessions to "bring out the real me" that I  
had undergone over the past months.  I'd been very cleverly boxed into  
the role, in everyone else's eyes anyway, with a bright pink ribbon 
 tied into a big soft, feminine bow, before I'd even become aware of  
the fact myself.

So, my sudden change to Jacqueline form Jack had really not been  
that way at all.  In fact, the people, all women, who I had any  
lengthy and regular contacts with in this city, had thought it was  
overdue.  And been disappointed when I didn't remain as Jackie  
following my Halloween excursion as a waitress.

"You were trying me out for a job change last Wednesday," I 
 almost accused a smiling Eileen.  "Weren't you?"

"Well, It's pretty obvious that you fit the job," my boss  
answered quite firmly.  "And the job fit you just as well.  Can you  
start back, as Jackie, next Monday?  I already have your uniforms in 
 back if you could."

"Pretty sure I'd go for it, weren't you?"  I questioned with just 
enough asperity in my voice to draw a laugh from her.

"I wasn't going to give you a choice, dear," she told me.  "You're 
just far too good at waiting tables for me to let that talent  go 
wasted in the back office working at figures I can do myself now  that 
you're able to work out front."

That was more than graphic enough for me.  It was going to be  
either skirts and aprons at work, or no work at all.  Taking a happily  
giggling Caroline back from my boss, I bounced the child up and down  
for a few seconds before answering.

"I suppose so.  Providing I'm able to find a baby sitter or day 
care for the two little terrors of my night's sleep," I chucked  
Caroline gently under the chin as I said that to show that I really 
 didn't mean that they were a burden at all.  "I can't leave them 
 alone, obviously, and think they'd be kind of distracting around 
 here."

"I'm sure we could find something," Eileen grinned.  "I have a  
neice who would be more than happy to watch them for you during your  
work days, Jackie.  And her prices are quite reasonable."

"I'd want to talk to her first," my response was careful, very  
like, oh heck, just like a doting mother worried about the care her  
babies were going to get.  But softened that with a smile of thanks.
"Though I'm sure she'd be terrific, if you recommend her, Eileen.  All  
right, I'll be back on Monday morning.  In uniform and ready to go."

There didn't seem to be much point in protesting.  Like I told 
someone earlier.  I needed the job, and to be honest, the tips were  
pretty darned good.  With those, I'd be making quite a lot more than I  
had as the bookkeeper, I was sure.  Providing I kept the customers  
happy and did my new job well.

Besides, I was in no position to protest working as a woman when 
 I was seated demurely in a booth of my place of employment, talking  
easily with my boss and coworkers, wearing a sweater and skirt  
combination that left nothing to the imagination about the shape under 
 them, high heels, makeup, jewelry, and was quite contentedly 
accepting  the various, and many compliments about my lovely little 
girls.

More or less giving up any thought of returning to my old male   
self, without much more than a little sigh of wistful farewell, I 
straightened Caroline's dress before trading her with Nadine for  
Katherine, who was in need of changing.  Why fight it?  I thought 
ruefully, when everyone I know any longer in this town has already  
decided that I'm the young matron I appeared to be?

*   *   *

Okay, so I'd pretty well accepted being a waitress, a mommy, and  
in the public eye, a better than average looking young woman.  I'd  
moved in next door with Jennifer, who had also been convinced of my 
 leanings towards the feminine side of life and who hadn't been at  all 
surprised when I fell off to land with a solid thump on the ladies 
 side of that figurative fence I'd seemed to be straddling for months.

Like I'd pointed out earlier, it was odd, but all my friends and  
acquaintances who had stayed around up until then were female.  My  
male buddies and acquaintances had just drifted or, to be honest, run  
away as I became more and more effeminate and hadn't appeared to  
either notice or care that it was happening.

But male acquaintances were something that began coming back into 
 my life all at once after I'd come out.  With a vengeance, I might 
add.
It seemed that there were more horny young, and not so young men 
 around than there were women to accommodate.  Or at least I seemed to  
attract that kind.  Even though I was most definitely not on the make. 
 Or even thinking about trying to have a boyfriend.

No way.  I might have been delicately coerced into the role of a  
beautiful young matron who was currently without a husband, may have  
even dived into the role more willingly than all the subtle and hidden  
maneuverings had meant for me to.  I will quite freely admit that 
being  a pretty young lady was a lot more pleasant than being a small,   
effeminately pretty young man, and that I was enjoying the change a  
great deal.

I loved my job, made great tips, had good friends, and a pair of  
little girls my world circled around most of the time.  If that didn't  
make me a happy young woman, I don't know for sure what would have.

But I still balked, no, make that absolutely refused, to become  
some guy's girl friend.  Or even date.  Although, as the hormones 
 really kicked in, and began reshaping my real body to their own very  
stringently feminine specifications, I will admit to having some urges  
that made that particular resolve kind of hard to maintain.  I'd quit  
looking at other, get that -- other --, girls, as anything but  
potential competition and sources for ideas on clothes, makeup, and  
hairstyles right after I'd started working as Jackie.

Now I won't deny that when a guy looked me over, especially if he  
was good looking, I was quite openly looking back.  Or that I was  
fantasizing about more than a few of the guys who I waited on at  
Eileen's.  With myself in a starring role on my back.  But I still  
couldn't bring myself to accept a date from any of them.

Until, six months after I'd met Nadine at my front door in  
nightgown, robe, and fuzzy pink slippers, it was time for Caroline's 
checkup and series of immunization shots.

Dr. Julian Parker, pediatrician, sometimes gynecologist, and 
obstetrician, had been figuring hugely in a lot of very sweaty and  
hard breathing dreams I'd been having recently.  No matter how much  
the truth embarrassed me, I had the hots for the guy really bad.  Which 
wasn't helped at all by the fact that he insisted on seeing me  because 
of the hormone therapy he had me on, every couple of weeks.

Or that he was very eligibly single.  Oh my.

"Jacqueline," he told me quite contentedly once he had finished  
with Caroline and had me in a gown for my own examination.  "The  
hormones have really done wonderful things for you since you've been  
on them.  Any back pain or unexplained fevers come up since your last  
visit?"

"No," I replied with a smile, and wishing that my nipples were  
still rubber because the real ones I now sported were very prominently  
erect as he palpitated my breasts.  Incidentally, that also felt very,  
very good.  No, change that.  It felt perfectly wonderful and I didn't  
want him to stop.  "I've felt fine, Julian.  Really."

The last was because he'd given me that skeptical, "is that so?" 
look doctors seem to study in school to perfect so they can shake  
recalcitrant patients into blurting out the awful truth.  Only I had   
been telling the truth.  I felt great.  Better, really, than I had in  
years.

"I believe you," he answered with a grin and friendly pat to my   
very own sweetly rounded bottom.  "I just wanted to make sure before I  
tell you that I think you'd better start seeing Dr. Sweeny instead of  
me."

"Why?"  I was shocked, and visibly unhappy that he was sending me  to 
another doctor, even one that worked out of the same office.

"Because I'm having more than a little trouble staying ethical  
with you, dear lady," he answered succinctly.  "I'm really worried  
that I'm going to violate the doctor-patient relationship between us  
if I see you again."

"Oh," lowering my eyes, I sighed, realizing that I wasn't the 
 only one who had been harboring fantasies regarding the other in this  
rather informal doctor-patient relationship.  And that maybe I'd  
better tell the man the truth about myself before things went much, 
 make that any further.  Because I was pretty sure his next 
pronouncement would  involve asking me out or something.

"I see," was all I could work up the courage to say just then.

"I've gotten very fond of you and your little girls since you  
started coming here," he told me quietly, readying himself for a 
 plunge that I very dearly wished for, but was afraid of all the same.

"Before you say anything else," I blurted without taking time to 
think about what I was doing, that would have stopped me cold and 
 likely had me grabbing my clothes and running out of his office for 
 good.  "I really think you ought to listen to something I need to 
tell  you about myself.  I'm not exactly what you seem to think I am."

"You mean that you aren't, technically, a real woman yet?"  He   
asked with a quirk of his mouth that became a smile as I allowed my  
amazement to show.  "I knew that after your first visit, dear.  I am a 
d octor, and a gynecologist even if I don't often practice as one."

"But why didn't you...?"

"Confront you in justified anger at the deception?"  He  
questioned easily, still smiling at me as he shook his head.  "Because  
that first day you were in here, you looked so shocked, angry, and  
nonplussed when I told you that your friend had told me about your  
special problems and that you were too proud to see a doctor yourself  
over them.  And had put your children's welfare ahead of your own.

"I could tell you hadn't intended to ask for hormones, wouldn't  
have even if the idea had occurred to you, and were much too 
 embarrassed to fess up once I'd given you those prescriptions," he  
went on leafing through what seemed to be quite a few pages in a chart  
for a patient he'd only been seeing for six months.  "So I did a  
little checking up on my own.  And found that you really were a single 
 parent struggling to take care of those two little girls, with a job  
as a waitress of all things.  That you were a far better mother to  
them, and for them, than their biological mama had ever thought of 
 being.  

"Plus," he reached his conclusion with a sheepish grin.  "I'd  
fallen head over heels for the sweet, determined, very feminine young  
lady who I'd been checking out."

"Oh," okay, so it wasn't the most intelligent reply anyone ever   
came up with.  I was kind of in shock all over again.  That and 
 feeling a really weird, but nice, shiver running through my body that 
 started at the crotch and kind of spiraled out until it even had the  
tip of my nose tingling.  "Does that mean you're going to ask me out 
 or something?"

"Both," was his answer.  "Hopefully.  If you'll accept.  I'd  like 
to take you out for dinner, whenever it's convenient for you,  then see 
if maybe we couldn't strike up something a little more  regular."

"Okay," I gave him the hundred-watt smile that guaranteed a good  
tip from any guy I waited on, then doubled it.  "I'd like that."

"Good," looking at his watch, he gave me a mischievous little  
smile.  "You're my last patient today.  How about going to a great  
little place I know about.  One of my patients works there and I hear  
the service and food are really something special."

"But I still have the girls," I pointed out.  "Both of them and  
no baby sitter on call for the night."

"Don't you even think of leaving them out of this," was his  
quick, honest answer.  "I want to treat all three of my favorite  
patients to a night out."

And that, as they say in the melodramas, sealed his doom.  Mine  too.

*   *   *

All that was over three years ago.  Now, though I'd never have  
believed it on that fateful Halloween, I'm very happily occupied with  
being Mrs. Julian Parker.  

We took a trip to Mexico about four months after I'd started 
dating him, ostensibly for some sun and fun.  We got that all right, 
 but I also got rid of some obstacles to really enjoying my man, and  
had something much more appropriate made to replace those by then  
useless pieces of flesh between my legs.

Since all my ID had been altered thanks to Nadine and company, to 
show me as already female, we never bothered with trying to straighten  
things out in that regard.  I was, after all, a woman anyway.  With a  
man she loved a lot, and two darling little girls that man was more  
than willing to take as if they were his own.  Perfection does happen 
 once in a while, even if it sometimes falls on your head like a  
collapsing wall of bricks.

I still wait tables at Eileen's, who was matron of honor at my  
wedding by the way, on a part time basis.  I really do love the work,  
and it's something I happen to be very good at, so I like to keep my   
hand in so to speak.

But what I'm really good at, and fully intend to get better at, 
 is being a doting mommy and loving wife.  Julian and I just adopted a  
delightfully lively baby, a boy, to fill out our little family and  
I've been pretty busy around home taking care of the newcomer while  
easing the jealousies of our daughters.  Which haven't been that hard  
to overcome, both girls are delighted to have a baby brother to fuss  
over.  

"Just like Mommy," Caroline announces every time she has the  
chance to spoil little Justin.

Mommy.  You know, I really like the sound of that when the 
 children call me.  Because that's what I am.  Their loving, doting, 
happy Mommy.

The End